Cyber Commorancy

Daddy Day Care, pt 2

2010-03-07T10:26:00.001-05:00

Day 2 our Father/Daughter weekend actually started on Day 1. Lydia’s entering the phase of mid-night wake-ups; she woke at 11:30 and again at 4:30, and each time dad ended up being mean and making her go back to bed. This didn’t work too well for me, since I was up til sometime between the hours mentioned afore mentioned associating w/ some friends via the internet. Fortunately it was Saturday and those are made for cartoons; and cartoons for Lydia translate to naps for Dad and I was able to eek out another hour or so of sleep.

I’ve been trying for a couple weeks to get a haircut at a particular place because they did a great job last time, so Lydia and I set out again to get dad a mop chop. In order to assure myself of one, we were out the door before 10, but even with showing up 15 minutes after they opened there wasn’t room for us until the afternoon. So, being in the haircut mood, we went and got Lydia a haircut.

The ladies at the haircut place said I was bold getting Lydia her first haircut while Mom was out of town. I didn’t think so, but maybe I was. We’ll find out when she gets back. Anyway, it wasn’t that big of a deal and Lydia did a good job once she was given a Dum-Dum. We even got a certificate commemorating the occasion and some of her hair in a little bag. Lydia convinced me that this weekend was a rare occurrence and we should make the most of it by doing some shopping. So we hit up the store and Lydia became the proud new owner of a shirt, a pink, black and white Adidas soccer ball, an accessory for her bedroom and a Disney princess playhouse – evidently she’s very persuasive.

I then convinced her to branch out and enjoy some new kind of food, so we hit up the Philly Connection for a cheese steak. She was particularly fond of the French fries…actually she was fond of the ketchup. It turns out the fries were nothing more than a utensil and once they were gone she finished up with her fingers.

Following some nap time for everyone, we had to return to the store to pickup a gift en route to a birthday party. It was a pretty big gamble, having Dad pickup an item of clothing for a one year old girl, but I managed to hit it out of the park. I seriously misjudged the amount of time it would take us to go buy the gift and get to our destination, so we had an hour to kill. Luckily, the newly acquired soccer ball was still in the car, so we found a park; Lydia’s Hispanic origins shown through as she demonstrated some mad skills dribbling the futbol around the field. We worked up a nice sweat and then hit up the party.

Lydia enjoyed the ‘glamour room’ at the Sorensen’s, leaving with a makeover and some purple fingernails before all was said and done. I’ve learned a thing or two from watching Paula run this ship and I had brought a change of pajamas, so by the time we hit the road for home, Lydia was ready for bed and she was zonked out by the time we hit Sugarloaf Parkway.

It was a really good day – no crying, yelling or temper tantrums, even with a broken night of sleep – and I was proud of the way Lydia behaved, too.

Daddy Day Care

2010-03-05T19:44:00.000-05:00

Paula and Camille left this morning for four days of fun in the sun in San Juan, Puueerrto Rrrrico (that’s me saying it w/ an exotic Hispanic accent), creating a bit daddy-daughter weekend. So, if anyone still checks this blog, I’m going to provide a day-by-day breakdown of our time together.

This morning when the vacationers left, Lydia sent them off in tears. Nothing a little bit of ‘Blue Dress’ couldn’t fix – so we sat together for 76 minutes as Cinderella overcame the obstacles of a wicked step-mother and two short-bus riding step-sisters, Lydia in her very own blue dress (courtesy of Grandma Kilgore) and me in my seminary garb. By the time Cinderella was putting on an ill-fitting yellow shirt on Gus-Gus, Lydia had calmed down and it was business as usual.

Besides leaving the house in pristine condition, Paula also left a list – both part of her M.O. – so the next point of order was a little trip to the grocery store, which I coupled with stop at The Home Depot for some odds and ends. At the store, Lydia’s good behavior earned her a purple Hot Wheels car from the 10 for $10 bin. She loved it. It gives me a certain sense of satisfaction to have my little girl like playing with cars, even when it ends up under shelves of Venetian blinds and dad spends five minutes moving said blinds from shelving to aisle, then taking out the planking, finding the car and returning everything to its proper place. These heroics did earn me a squeal of delight and a hug – totally worth it.

During nap time, I switched our car insurance to Progressive, killed some weeds and ate what Lydia had left of the Gummy Bears for lunch.

Post-nap, we went to the park. It was pretty awesome. During this outing, I realized that one kid is no problem after you’ve spent time with two. It’s sort of like how after two-a-day football practices make normal practice seem like a vacation. We chased some geese, threw some rocks in a pond, hit up the playground per usual, and ran fearfully away from large (and tiny) dogs. Dad ended up carrying the tricycle after the first hour, as well as the coat and juice while Lydia stalled as best she could from heading back to the car.

In true dad mode, we had some a well balanced meal for dinner – dad grilled some burgers and Lydia feasted on Kroger Frosted Fruit circles – followed w/ an after dinner show of Beast. There were plenty of tickling intermissions, usually initiated as follows:

DAD: Lydia! Are you sucking your thumb?

LYDIA: (Incoherent response since voice is muffled by thumb in mouth)

DAD: I’m gonna get that thumb!

LYDIA: NOOO!!! (Run out of living room)

Beast ended up w/ Beauty, Lydia ended up in bed. We finished the night w/ Mucky Moose; Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?; Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?; A-B-C and some minimal resistance to bed time. In all, it was a great day. The house isn’t messy, but it isn’t spotless and I’m going to stay up way too late playing Xbox…but what do you expect when mom’s away?

The pics

2009-11-24T17:01:00.006-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Camille Roberts.
She was born at 9:01AM. Paula pushed for a grand total of 10 minutes, so she came really fast once we started working on her. While she was descending, we knew she'd be long because her feet were still kicking Paula in the ribs! Wild, wild stuff.
You can compare Lydia to Camille by clicking here.

Here she is in all her newborn glory.

Look at that weight! The nurse asked if I wanted to guess the dimensions. I said 8 1/2 lbs and 21 inches. I was guessing large, but 8lbs 10oz was really surprising to both Paula and I. 11oz and 2 inches bigger than her big sister!

Mother and daughter shortly after Camille's bath - about an hour after she was born. Both are doing very well.

This one eye open is about the most we've seen of her big brown eyes. She's a sleeper, very much the opposite of Lydia who was very, very alert for the first few hours.

Another sleeping shot from this afternoon. She's been sleeping so soundly that we have to lean our ears down every once in a while to make sure she's breathing! It's wild.

Look at all that hair! No wonder Paula had heartburn day in and out. Camille's hair is darker and thicker than Lydia's; her back, shoulders and thighs are covered with it - our little Hobbit!

Here we go...

2009-11-24T05:44:00.003-05:00

I was sleeping comfortably on the couch in the bonus room a few hours ago. I've been sleeping there recently due to Paula's pregnancy, as she is up and down and uncomfortable all during the night. She's very sensitive to my needs and stresses out about waking me up, so this seemed logical. (Just wanted to lay that out so no rumors of domestic issues arose)
Anyway, I'm sleeping when at 1:44 AM I am awoken by my laboring wife. She'd been having sharp contractions for about 45 minutes and was wondering what we should do. I had no idea. But, we winged it. I did my best to be supportive, encouraging and upbeat for the next half hour. We timed contractions and breathed and all that jazz.
I was instructed to call the doctor at 2:15. I knew it was serious because she wasn't laughing at my jokes and I'm a very funny guy. The doctor told us to come in. I gave Bridgette a call and she was all sorts of giddy to come over and sleep at our house w/ Lydia as we went to the hospital.
We arrived at 3:15, checked into Labor and Delivery #3, and found that Paula was at a 5. This was big news as just Monday at noon she was at a 2, which was the same as her Friday appointment. Also it was a first for us because Lydia was forced to come into this world 9 days late and Paula was at a 1. An hour later Paula advanced to a 7 and was 90+ effaced.
So, here we are, at almost 6am on Tuesday, November 24, 2009, awaiting the arrival of daughter number 2. Paula is resting comfortably, I am sitting here looking out the window at the lights of cars driving by. There's a lot that is going to happen in the world today and very few people out there will know that a little girl is being born - another little girl will soon be a big sister, and a dad will once more wonder how it is possible to fall so instantly in love with another human being.
It's so little - the birth of one child - but it is everything, if only to us.

Dang it

2009-11-13T13:06:00.001-05:00

So, I've been wanting to do this big post about the summer projects I did, and have been wanting to for a while. I took the day off today (my 6th personal day this year) for a dentist appointment and had some time to post. Well, I did. And it took forever. And it's on Paula's blog.

Dang it.

Here's the link. Enjoy.

Some health care thoughts

2009-09-17T11:26:00.001-04:00

There was a survey done by Investors Business Daily of physicians regarding the current health care reform proposals from Congress and the White House. I found it very interesting.

I found most interesting that almost half (45%) of the physicians surveyed said they would consider just up and quitting their profession if Congress passed the current proposals. There were an estimated 800,000 physicians practicing medicine in 2006. That means about 360,000 physicians would consider quitting.
There are probably a hundred issues that will arise if that happens. Here's a couple I gathered from the article and just by thinking this out

I'm not very good at math, but it seems to me that adding 47,000,000 people to the health care system to a system with a full slate of 800,000 is going to be tough in the first place - about one physician to every 60 people. If half the doctors bail - deciding the trade-off of a decade of education, crazy hours and tremendous debt - that will bump up the ratio to 120 citizens to every physician. I have a hard time believing that this type of system will provide better, cheaper health care than the current system provides.
Another stat that increases the discrepancy between physician and patient: Between 2003 to 2006 the number of active physicians in the U.S. grew by just 0.8% a year, while the population has been growing at 1% a year. If patients are being added faster than doctors...
A recent study found steadily declining enrollment in medical schools since 1980. The study found that, just with current patient demand, the U.S. will have 159,000 fewer doctors than it needs by 2025. If as many as say they'll back out do back out, that number jumps to over 500,000.
One of the biggest ways - according to the President and Senator Baucus (writer of the Senate proposal) - this $1,000,000,000,000 is through an increase in taxes on the wealthy. Aside from the immorality of this, there are going to be 360,000 less people to foot the bill if these physicians jump ship.

Anyway check out the article and decide for yourself.

Spectacular September Saturday

2009-09-07T12:51:00.004-04:00

As a dyed-in-the-wool, true-blue BYU fan, I am ecstatic about what I saw on Saturday night against #3 Oklahoma. OU’s (deservedly) highly touted QB didn’t play the 2^nd half, and as Bronco acknowledged, that’s a big deal. More on that later. What I saw from BYU that I haven’t seen in the past in big games was:

Big Defense Stands
Poise when playing from behind

One thing that’s always frustrated me about my favorite team was the seeming inability to take on a bigger, better equipped team and give them a game. That didn’t happen this time. Unlike last year, Max Hall stepped it up when the game was on the line (9/10 passing on the final drive, including key 3^rd and 4^th down conversions) and it has come to my attention that he called all the plays on that final drive. It was all very Manning-esque.

Another reason to be happy about this win is because it’s not like BYU played a perfect game and managed a 1-point win – they were sloppy at times, like any team is in Week 1. And, with all the injuries they had (yes, BYU was playing hurt, too) they are only going to get better with time.

Now for why I’m miffed. I have spent the past couple of days scouring the internet and the TV for some acknowledgement that BYU beat OU. I’ve found two articles that give the Cougars any credit: one by Mr. Pat Forde from ESPN and one on Rivals.com.Everyone else is hanging BYU’s win on a missing Sam Bradford and other OU mistakes. Well, the facts are stubborn things and I’ve gathered a couple of them to illustrate that BYU didn’t have any advantage in the game that allowed them to win – they just won.

OU: Four new offensive linemen
BYU: Four new offensive linemen (returning lineman playing with broken finger, other projected starter out for season with torn rotator cuff)

OU: Missing All-American TE; did not play
BYU: Missing 2-time 1000 yard RB; did not play

OU: Lost starting QB, 2nd to last play of 1st half
BYU: Lost starting LB mid-way through 1st quarter

OU: Replacing top two WR
BYU: Replacing top three WR

OU: Returning 9 starters on defense, including entire front 7
BYU: Returning 6 starters on defense (2 DL, 2 LB, 2 DB)

OU: Returning two 1,000 rushers, Heisman Trophy winner (for ½ the game)
BYU: Returning 2nd team all MWC QB, TE w/ 1,000 yd receiving

OU: Approx 60,000 fans in attendance
BYU: Approx 15,000 fans in attendance

OU: Norman, OK to Dallas, TX = 200 miles
BYU: Provo, UT to Dallas, TX = 1450 miles

OU: Penalties – 12/93
BYU: Penalties – 10/87

OU: Turnovers – 2
BYU: Turnovers – 4

OU: Offense: 158 yds w/ Bradford; 103 w/out Bradford
BYU: Average starting position for offense in 2nd half: Own 15 yard line

Motor of the world, football and cheaters

2009-09-03T15:45:00.001-04:00

I just finished reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

The book's a little over a thousand pages. I hadn't read a book from cover to cover for a while, and at first the task seemed a bit daunting, but as I read I couldn't put it down. Ten days later Paula was returning the book to the library. A lot of people have heard of the book, but it seems the number of pages have deterred many from reading it. I'm not going to do a book report here, but I highly recommend it for a read.
A couple things that stood out to me: first, the book was published in 1958, though Rand began writing in 1948. Despite being over 50 years old, I found myself amazed at the accuracy in defining the attitudes that are prevalent in our society and that I feel and sending it in a downward spiral. Second, there was a lot of talk about money and people who make money. One thing I noticed throughout my life and never understood was why those with money feel a need to apologize for their wealth and those who are poor seem to wear it as a badge of accomplishment. Am I alone in noticing this?
Even in high school, people would apologize for coming from wealth. Unless the money was obtained though some nefarious means, people should never have to apologize for making money. And I think the only reason people should brag about their poverty is if they were able to rise above it.
Finally, I'm going to be using the words 'looter' and 'moocher' a lot more than I did in the past. These two words were used repeatedly in Atlas Shrugged and the applications were apropos.

Today marks the beginning of the college football season. I love college football and am thrilled to be able to spend some time watching it. I was fortunate to marry a SEC woman - a woman who understands and appreciates the sanctity of a Saturday afternoon and evening. Paula provides not only guilt-free watching of as many football games as I can get a hold of, but encourages this. She even goes shopping on Friday or Saturday morning to pick up snack food for me to enjoy while watching. Incredible.

Colin Cowherd (ESPN Radio personality) was talking about Alex Rodriguez a while ago and said that it wasn't a big deal that A-Rod took PED's because it's a game, and that it wasn't like Enron or anything. I got to thinking about that and gotta disagree. A-Rod, in my opinion, is a cheating tool. Here's the deal - baseball isn't a game at that level: it's a business. And A-Rod cheated and lied his way to the top of his industry. A-Rod cheated on his wife. A-Rod has cheated in the two major aspects of his life - his work and his relationships. What else is there to judge the character of a man on?
Then you got Rick Pitino having an affair, paying $3000 for an abortion, and getting blackmailed for it.
Then you have another of John Calipari's NCAA basketball final four appearances being voided out. Two schools, two NCAA Final Four banners taken down.
Then you have Mark Sanford and Eliot Spitzer cheating on their wives.
Here's the deal: all these guys are liars. They are liars because they all apologized. None of these punks are sorry about what they did. They'd do it again if given the chance. And I don't know about the rest of you, but the first time I was pulled over for speeding wasn't the first time I sped; the first time I got in trouble for swearing wasn't the first time I swore; the first time I got busted for being somewhere other than where I said I'd be wasn't the first time I was somewhere other than where I said I'd be.
Bottom line, these guys are apologizing they got caught. That's all. That makes the liars on top of cheaters. That makes them bums. Throw the bums out.

Who is John Galt?

2009-08-25T08:29:00.001-04:00

Then you will see the rise of the men of the double standard - the men who live by force, yet count on those who live by trade to create the value of their looted money - the men who are the hitchhikers of virtue. In a moral society, these are the criminals, and the statutes are written to protect you against them. But when a society establishes criminals-by-right and looters-by-law - men who use force to seize the wealth of disarmed victims - then money becomes its creators' avenger. Such looters believe it safe to rob defenseless men, once they've passed a law to disarm them. But their loot becomes the magnet for other looters, who get it from them as they got it. Then the race goes, not to the ablest at production, but to those most ruthless at brutality. When force is the standard, the murderer wins over the pickpocket. And then that society vanishes, in a spread of ruins and slaughter.
Do you wish to know whether that day is coming? Watch money. Money is the barometer of a societies virtue. When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion - when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing - when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors - when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don't protect you against them, but protect them against you - when you see corruption being regarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice - you may know that your society is doomed. Money is so noble a medium that it does not compete with guns and it does not make terms with brutality. It will not permit a country to survive as half-property, half-loot.
~Francisco d'Anconia~

It's free money...

2009-08-12T09:07:00.001-04:00

In New York, the government shelled out a couple hundred million dollars for people on welfare or food stamps in order to assist with back to school costs - $200 a kid. This is what someone said about it:
"It's free money!" said Alecia Rumph, 26, who waited in a Morris Park, Bronx, line 300 people deep for the cash to buy uniforms and book bags for her two kids. "Thank God for Obama. He's looking out for us."
There are nearly as many things wrong in this sentence as there are words. Free money doesn’t exist – someone has to foot the bill. It’s great when the footing is done by people who chose to give of their resources to help a person, but money given by the government is taken by compulsory means. The tax-paying citizens footed the bill, Alecia, it didn’t come from a magic money tree growing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
And God has nothing to do with government setting up programs to give you someone else’s money.
I’m not going to talk about food stamps, Medicaid, etc…if anyone isn’t familiar with my thoughts on that, go through the archives in May 2008 and you can catch up. Rather I would just speak from my life experience concerning self-reliance and encourage people to embrace this philosophy over the freeloading mantra that has grown so prevalent.
I grew up in a large family on a small income. Much of our school shopping was from the JC Penney’s reject department – the left foot was a size 8, the right a size 7; one pant leg longer than the other; missing buttons and zippers; faded patches on t-shirts. We had grown a garden to feed ourselves and cold cereal was a stocking stuffer because it was too expensive the rest of the year. My mother had to hot glue her 1980’s classes through the early 90’s because new ones couldn’t be afforded.
This isn’t a pity party, and I won’t lie and say I enjoyed it – I’d of preferred cold cereal to hot.
I started working 40+ hour weeks the summer between my 7th and 8th grade year in killing noxious weeds in the oil fields of Wyoming and had a manual labor job every summer until I graduated from high school to earn money for my school clothes, for college and for missionary service.
This isn’t bragging, and I won’t lie and say I enjoyed it – I’d of preferred to not work.
What I will say is I learned self-reliance.
I learned though all people are born with certain rights, one of them is not getting what you want and sometimes it’s not even getting what you need. I’ve learned it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to help me buy things or have children or pay for my medicine. I’ve learned that when times get tough and help is needed (we all will need it, in one way or another) parents and family will welcome with open arms if there’s enough humility to ask.
And I’ve learned that God should be thanked for giving us the ability to work, to sacrifice and be self-reliant, not for helping ourselves to other people’s money.

Excuse me while I shift my paradigm

2009-07-22T09:29:00.001-04:00

So I spent some time recently doing some blog strolling ? different from trolling, because the blogs I looked at are all people I know/am related to ? and made an important discovery. Maybe it isn?t so much a discovery as a wake up call.
First, I?m pretty much the only guy I know who keeps a blog. Sure, it could be argued I don?t keep a blog as the postings have been so few and far between over the past year, but for argument?s sake we?ll say I do.
Second, a lot of people I know are genuinely happy people. The posts I read were positive, upbeat, optimistic and authentic by people I know all have struggles of one kind or another in their lives ? they?re either going thru school and are poor as dirt, have health problems, fight the good fight of raising a family in less than impressive times, etc?
I started the day at 5am, having gone to bed earlier in the morning (not a typo) after taping and painting for about 6 hours; my attitude was not prime. But after perusing afore mentioned posts, a sense of peace and happiness settled upon me and has since changed my outlook on the day.
Happiness is truly contagious.
My revelation is that people need to know I?m happy and that I make the choice to be happy even though life isn?t the vacation I sometimes wish it would be. I?m not one of those people who is always smiling, so it?s not about being fake or having one of those perm-a-grins; it?s simply acknowledging there are things and people to be happy about and until I am a quadriplegic laying alone in a some hospital bed with nothing but MSNBC and The Real Housewives of Whatever-City/County/State-They-Come-Up-With-Next on the tube, there will always be a reason to choose to be happy.
So, let the following be known:
Today is a good day
I?m stoked to take my first time off of the year over the next 3 working days
My lawn ? tilled under, seeded and worked from scratch ? is green and looking good
Lydia is awesome and makes me laugh every day
I?m excited to have another little girl in our house
I?ve repainted the entire house in less than 2 weeks and it looks GOOD
?A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have? ~ Gerald Ford
And if I could extrapolate these personal results, it would seem that putting our best face forward ? despite any issues, problems, etc actively occurring in our lives ? positively impacts the lives of others. And when it seems we are about to drown in troubles not of our doing or wallowing in the filth of our own self-pity, there are those around who, purposely or unknowingly, lift us up. All we need to do is look.

For your listening pleasure

2009-04-29T11:38:00.001-04:00

Paula showed me this the other night and I really liked it, so I thought I'd share it with everyone else. She and/or Natalie stumbled onto it in one of the 300 or so blogs they troll.
I really like Coldplay and all I know about Taylor Swift is she's a country singer who dated a Jonas brother, but the arrangement is cool if you enjoy the piano and cello.

Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Vida (Coldplay) arranged by Jon Schmidt from Matthew McLelland on Vimeo.

To quiet my sister

2009-04-23T13:08:00.006-04:00

So I haven't been blogging much. I recently had a coworker call my blog pathetic or something like that because of the limited posting going on; he recommended I just shut it down and put it out of its misery. He has a point. That decision is pending.
As you all know from Paula's post, we are expecting child #2. I'm looking forward to it - should make for an interesting holiday season. The baby is due the weekend before Thanksgiving - the 21st. Given Lydia going over almost 10 days before we forced her out, I'm anticipating a Thanksgiving Day birth. Paula was adamant about not having a holiday baby, so the irony would be off the charts; of course, I predicted the reason for Paula's extreme duress w/ this pregnancy was that she was having twins. That turned out to be a poor prediction, much like experts with the Sugar Bowl this year.
The question has been posed to me: would you like a boy or girl? I'd like to have a boy before it's all said and done - that's for sure. So, in a way I want a boy just to make sure we get one. From a short-term economical perspective, it would be better to have a girl since we have a bunch of girl stuff; however, in the long-term a boy will be significantly less expensive. I feel much less responsibility to assist any sons I have w/ their higher education - no sense of obligation, really - but I do with my daughter(s). Then there is the whole wedding thing. I'd prefer not to foot the bill any more than I have to.
From an emotional standpoint, a boy would be beneficial. I've become (emotionally) soft since Lydia was born. If women living together can, through some form of chemical osmosis that I don't understand or feel like researching, end up on the same cycle then you can only imagine how being the only man in a house of three girls will mess with me. Pretty soon I'll be crying during Oprah.
Anyway, there's a quick rundown of my thoughts w/ the second on the way. Now to address the subject line.
Rachell is leaving comments about how I don't post any pictures of Lydia. I pose the following: do you know any man who has a blog and posts pictures of his kid? Not a family blog, but an individual man? That being said, I don't feel too guilty about it. Actually, I don't feel any guilt. But to keep the snarky comments to a minimum, here are some of Lydia Pics in no particular order and without any commentary. Since a picture says a thousand words...

Pork everywhere!

2009-02-10T14:00:00.005-05:00

Fat
I had a revelation while attempting to play basketball over Thanksgiving – I am fat. And out of shape. And fat.

This wasn’t so much a revelation as a culmination: the inverse ratio of diminishing jaw-line to increasing waistline was a fair indicator; it seemed my gut was expanding faster than the federal government. But it wasn’t until trying to run up and down a court that the painful and embarrassing reality filled every fiber of my being…particularly my atrophied lungs.

Fortunately this basketball game was in Wyoming, so my buddy Nick was there and he is in excellent shape thanks to a little something called P90X. This is one of those workout programs you see advertised late at night, sandwiched between infomercials promising riches by selling your old nail clippings and how to get more hair – and women – by strapping a cat to your head; I was skeptical.

But Nick’s diamond-stamped triceps and his ability to run up and down the court like a gazelle across the Serengeti was proof enough for me that this was something that I needed to do. Along comes Christmas and with it P90X – 12 DVD’s that would act as the harbinger of death for my gelatinous body.

Well, I’m on week three (technically Week 4, but Week 1 was such a mess that I decided to scrap it) of the program and this is what I’ve discovered so far: first, P90X is code for ‘welcome to hell’; second, I was much farther down the road to blobness than I anticipated; third, P90X is awesome.

Anyway, there’s my endorsement for the program. Definitely something that will work you over, but something that is enjoyable and that produces results. I’m not going to hit the beach anytime soon, but my reps have increased each week and there is even a certain level of enjoyment as my body is abused by Tony Horton.

Fatter

Everyone give a hand to the federal government for strapping us and our children with nearly $2 trillion (2,000,000,000,000). Really excited about this, the total bill between TARP and the “stimulus” is going to end up being nearly $10 trillion (9,700,000,000,000). No big deal – just going to cost my daughter and her family nearly 80% of their gross income to make up the difference. Thank goodness for Big Brother taking care of us all.

I wonder if there’s any administration in history that has done so much to hurt our nation so quickly after coming into office. I haven’t the time or the energy to talk about it all, so I’m going to provide some links and you all can check it out.

Links that should make you think:

Universal healthcare is on its way

Play now, pay later

Breaking down the cost

Stimulus 101

Tax cuts don't work? Please...

The man at the helm

2008-10-02T15:54:00.004-04:00

A couple things have inspired this post: First, the bye week has made it seem like an eternity since the Cougars of BYU have taken the field and I have a bunch of Cougar Blue bottled up inside me and it needs to go somewhere or there will be an explosion. And Paula hates messes. Second, BYU's football team is now entrenched in the top 10 in every poll - funny how against Washington they block a PAT and win, then drop in the polls but they don't even take the field last week and jump up three or four spots...gotta love the pollsters.
This post isn't to discuss how BYU would do in a BCS game (certainly they'd lose no worse than Ohio State has the past 2 years) or how valid their ranking is (3 top 10 teams losing to unranked opponents last week). All that is subjective. Detractors and apologists would all have valid points on the topic, I'm sure.
One thing with winning is that the press comes calling, especially when said team is an underdog (speaking of BYU's position as a non-BC$ school). And with the press comes greater scrutiny, visibility and exposure to the world. This can be unnerving because whoever does the talking suddenly becomes the face of the organization - a visible representation of the acronym by which the entity will be recognized across the nation. The weightiness of this representation is multiplied significantly when the organization also portrays a faith. So it is at BYU.

And as a died-in-the-wool Cougar fan, I'm thrilled that this face is that of Bronco Mendenhall.
Reading the words of Mendenhall in a newspaper column can paint the picture of a man full of hubris as he talks about the standards, aspirations and goals of BYU football. Such was the reaction of many when the motto for the 2008-2009 season was revealed: "Quest for Perfection". Comments and message boards are like train wrecks - a gruesome, ugly affair but difficult to turn away from - and scattered through the wreckage was the derission towards Mendenhall and this motto.
But to read is different then to hear or to see. (Any doubt about this, one just needs to go back through the comments on this blog for evidence.) Between the antenna-like picture on The Mtn and other media outlets, listening to Mendenhall explain his philosophies about coaching at BYU and the goals and aspirations he has for his team is interesting to say the least. His approach to the game of football at BYU isn't close to any other program - granted, this is partially out of necessity - and it's refreshing to listen to.

Mendenhall was on the Jim Rome radio show and the interview was very cool. Here is the link for your enjoyment.
This is a link to an interview Bronco did on a Seattle radio station before the Washington game.

Anyway, whether or not you are a BYU fan, hopefully you can appreciate the integrity and well-grounded nature of the man who is at the helm of Cougars of BYU.

One year down...eternity to go

2008-09-22T15:04:00.003-04:00

I’ve been a dad for a little over a year now. While that may not qualify me to write books concerning fatherhood or have my own talk show on the matter it does provide me with knowledge – knowledge I didn’t have a year ago.

It’s incredible, really, the things that being a father does to you.

I find myself caught up in a desire to protect and shelter the tiny creation (of which I was an integral part) from anything that would cause those perfect brown eyes to rim with tears from slipping and scraping a knee as she masters walking today; or the breaking of a heart caused by cruel and thoughtless words muttered in derision by some stupid prepubescent boy down the road; or the catty and diabolical scheming of teenage girls when the edict of the popular minority has decided to ostracize or tear down.

Perhaps my angst would be different if I were the father of a boy; perhaps it would stay the same. Silly as it is to find my mind wander five, ten, and fifteen years in the future, the instant in which the twelve months prior have passed before me makes those coming years ever so relevant now.

Greater even than these anxieties – which cross my mind only on occasion – are the joyous moments of the now: the smile and squeal which greets when opening her door after a nap; the pitter patter of little feet racing around the kitchen during hide-n-seek; the intense babbling of words not known yet expected to be understood. Prior to that Tuesday afternoon at 1:23, I had no idea the ability to love someone or something else so perfectly and resolutely was within my capacity. Even now it surprises me.

So, between the angst of future events unknown and unseen and the elation found in the trivial happenings of today, I count being a father as the greatest privilege to have ever come my way.

A Satisfying Weekend

2008-09-16T10:24:00.002-04:00

I'd be remiss if I failed to mention my Cougars of BYU. As many of you know, I am a big fan of the Cougars and an advocate for all their program stands for. One of the reasons I love BYU football is because of what it embodies: a group of athletes who are not the premier at their position, but are individuals who are good people. While I'm not ignorant to the errant ways of some, as a whole I believe these football players are honest, moral and good people; I would go as far as to say there isn't another football team in the nation that espouses the virtues of the BYU Cougars. Find me a team that presents a spiritual devotional every Friday night before their game on Saturday, whether at home or away; find me a coach (not local law enforcement) that requires regular community service participation.
The consequence of such standards is that it prevents the elite athletes from attending BYU. Nothing against the Mark Sanchez's, Beanie Wells, Knowshon Moreno's and Michael Crabtree's of the game, but there's no way they'd go to BYU even if they were in a BCS Conference going 11-2. No alcohol after the game? No sex? No Starbucks? No chance. So, BYU competes with below average athletes with above average morals. And sometimes that translates to a mark in the 'L' column. Such is the trade-off. And a trade-off I'm happy to make.
However, in recent years it seems moral fortitude and athletic ability have converged to produce the nations longest winning streak, the 2nd leading receiver in the nation, a QB 3rd in YPG, % and TD's, and a scoring summary (against a BCS team who knocked of a ranked BCS team their previous game) that is rarely seen. It's something to rise and shout about.

Making a case for C-Mak

2008-09-12T15:55:00.005-04:00

Don't forget to become a Cyber Commoron! (see previous post)

The powers-that-be at ING have shutdown all personal email access, so I don’t get to check the ol’ Gmail account much – every other day or so. Anyway, the other day when I did check I had a message from my buddy Nick expressing his concern for my political soul after reading my endorsement of Cynthia McKinney for President of these United States. Additionally he asked for why I would support the former Congresswoman of Georgia.

All of you know of my love for the club. There’s nothing that brings me more joy that slipping into some pleather and rollin’ up onto the scene with the bass-line thumpin’ in the Camry. Clubbin’ is my happy place. For me and other members of the Hip-Hip Generation, Cynthia McKinney (C-Mak, as we call her) is our girl.

“Cynthia McKinney is a strong advocate, mentor and supporter of the Hip-Hop community. Her unique popularity among the members of the Hip-Hop generation and young people across the United States of America has made her a trusted voice on behalf of producers, retailers and consumers of Hip-Hop entertainment.” Posted on her website before losing seat in Congress

This fact alone is sufficient means for me to vote for C-Mak. Of course, there might be some who are not members of the HHG who need more reasons cast their vote for C-Mak come November. Here are some that might help:

C-Mak is an expert on race-relations. Skirted the metal detectors on Capital Hill but did not wear the pin required to identify her as a Congresswoman. When the security guard stopped her by grabbing her shoulder after repeatedly calling after her to stop, she punched him. In a move learned from our greatest ambassadors for racial peace (Jesse Jackson, Harry Belafonte, Louis Farrakhan, Jeremiah Wright), she said chalked up the incident to racial profiling. Some may see this as divisive but I see it as resourceful. See, when Crazy Hugo Chavez, or Putin’s puppet President (alliteration), are starting up some ruckus with us, she’ll play break out the race/gender cards and BAM! the ACLU will be all over those guys! No one can beat the ACLU. Crisis averted.
The woman knows how to run an effective, clean campaign. In 1996 when she called her opponent’s supporters "holdovers from the Civil War days" and "a ragtag group of neo-Confederates", even though the guy was Jewish. And there was that other time in 2000 when she wrote “Gore's Negro tolerance level has never been too high. I've never known him to have more than one black person around him at any given time” even though Mr. Internet’s campaign manager was black. The best example of her graciousness in defeat was expressed by her father after her loss in 2002: A reporter asked Billy McKinney about his daughter's use of an old endorsement from former Atlanta mayor Andrew Young. Such endorsements were worthless, Papa McKinney replied, because "Jews have bought everybody. Jews."
C-Mak is intimately involved with the War on Terror, as illustrated by the fact her list of campaign donors while a Congresswoman included both terrorist sympathizers like Abdurahman Alamoudi, the former executive director of the American Muslim Council, and actual terrorists like former college professor Sami Al-Arian. Don’t think this isn’t a strength; it means she already has an in with the terrorists and we all know they’d never let anything happen to their own – except for those guys they strap with explosives and send into areas with large amounts of people.

There it is – my case of Cynthia McKinney. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink of water. My tongue fell asleep after being in my cheek so long.

Nippin' and Tuckin'

2008-09-11T11:08:00.002-04:00

Cyber Commorancy has gone under the cyber knife and I've changed the look. The mantra I'm operating under is "Simpler is better" and since I don't post a ton of pics (leave that to Paula) the overall desire is to make the reading of the blog a bit easier. Hopefully this works.
Additionally, on the right-hand column there are a couple new things:

I've gone through and labeled all my posts so that they are sorted by topic. Most are self explanitory, though some are random; I'll have to hone the process over time. I'm sure some are miscategorized and others could have different labels applied, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to go through almost 200 posts and get it right everytime. So if there are some posts with the wrong label, let me know.
I've added this feature that Blogger calls 'Followers'. I changed the heading to "Cyber Commorons", which is based on a comment by Zach and which I am referred to on Natalie's blog, because 'Followers' is lame. I don't think this is a tracking thing, like if you visit it automatically adds you. From what I can tell you have to add yourself. If you want to become a Cyber Commoron, just click on Follow this blog and that should do it. Due to my giant ego, if this ends up getting no love I will remove it. But if there's a lot of people who want to become Cyber Commorons then maybe I can make t-shirts and we can all ride around like a cyber gang! Woohoo!
I don't really follow a lot of blogs - rather, only the blogs of people I know. Paula has a list of like a million people she keeps tabs on, as do other people related to her, and probably countless others. I don't have a problem with that - when I find out people are reading my rants I think it's cool. Keep on lurkin'. Anyway, Paula's been trying to get me to read this blog by someone she and Nat knew from school and I was like 'yeah yeah yeah....' and didn't bother until Monday-ish. Now I find myself checking it out regularly. chalk one up for Paula.I enjoy the topics, the writing style and comments readers leave. To get to the point, the new link on the sidebar is Salt H2O. Check it out - don't forget to read the comments.

Summer Vacation

2008-09-08T01:01:00.000-04:00

Well, summer is over and so should my lack of blogging come to an end. I just realized that from June to August I only posted three times. Dang. Ridiculous. What can I say - life got/is busy and the blog became last place on the priority list. And I work in front of a computer all day, so after work I have very little desire to get back in front of a computer monitor.
How about the political landscape? Wild, wild stuff. I've thought many times about posting some talking points concerning who I will vote for and why...I mean, it's not a mystery since I'm morally, socially and economically conservative. But one of these days I'll tell you why I'm voting for Cynthia McKinney and why she is the person who should be leading our country in these trying times. I just haven't had the energy for that 2000 word rant. I'll leave that to this blog Paula directed me to.
Why haven't I had the energy? Two things, really. One is college football. The season is young but it is here and I love it. My Cougars are 2-0 after a win over the Washington Huskies in Seattle; unfortunately, the fact that our QB had a 75% completion rate for almost 350 yards and our RB picked up over 130 yards on the ground or that our TE still leads the nation in receiving after 2 weeks or that our special teams blocked the game tying (not winning) PAT. The focus by the pundits is on the correct call of a crap rule. If you want to read an entertaining and totally bias blog, go to this blog by Adam. He's a Florida and SEC homer and rags on the non-BCS schools, but I like Adam so I'm directing traffic.
The second reason I'm usually spent is because I arise every morning to teach a religion class. It's true. Let me give a little bit of a rundown about what's going on.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is run by a lay ministry - no one gets paid. Not the Bishop in charge of the congregation, not the Stake President who is in charge of 6-10 congregations, not the Sunday School teacher...no one. These people are called from the general membership of the Church to serve. I've been asked to serve in a number of callings through the years. Anyway, I'd been teaching the 14-15 year old Sunday School class for a few months when I was asked to teach Seminary. Seminary is a class for high school aged students to attend daily before school. Each year a different book of scripture is the topic - this year is the New Testament. So, every morning I get up around 5am, shower, throw on a shirt and tie and go teach Seminary from a little after 6 to just before 7.
I get a lot of sympathetic looks and comments from people, but I really enjoy it. Why? Well, first of all you spend a lot of time studying which has been very beneficial; of the 14 potential students (I teach freshman and sophomores) on the roll, I have 12 out regularly and that's pretty impressive. Early morning seminary is not for the faint of heart and I give props to the kids for showing up every day and staying awake.
There are my weak excuses for not blogging more. If anyone still reads this thing.

Drumroll please....

2008-08-07T19:06:00.004-04:00

I appreciate the words of encouragement and advice from those who commented on my last post concerning the debate I was having in my mind as to whether or not purchase a television that was actually bigger than the clock hanging in our living room.
There were several comments by Anonymous; the first one sounded like it could be my mother - making the crack about food storage. But then I figured she'd sign her name, so it was some other motherly figure looking out for my little family. Much appreciated...or in the tongue of my wife's ancestors - Muchos Gracias. (BTW, food storage - got it covered.)
The wittiest of all comments was also my Anonymous #2 - buy a smaller clock. Very, very good. Don't be scared to ID yourself next time - this is a safe space for witty retorts.

Well, here's the result of my decision....

Who's your daddy, clock? 51" of unadulterated view pleasure - that's who! You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

Special thanks to Dennis and Nancy for purchasing a beautiful flat panel to hang on their wall, thus freeing up this just in time for college football season. (23 days until kick-off)

Anyone home?

2008-08-01T16:13:00.005-04:00

Apparently it’s time to post. I’ve been informed it’s coming up on two months since the last one and that it’s unacceptable. Is there an excuse for such length between posts?
Yep.
Probably more than one.
Seriously, the reason there hasn’t been a post is because I don’t feel like it. The thought of posting has crossed my mind on occasion, but there’s always a reason not to.

Witty exchanges have been, well, I don’t know. It is definitely possible that all my wit has been used up. Gone. I’m not even 30 yet and the well is dry. A shame.
The plenty going on politically, but frankly I don’t have the energy right now to post about why voting for Barak is less appealing to me than the loss of an appendage (nothing big – a skin tag, pinky toe or both arms and legs), though not as unappealing as what the Reverend Jackson would remove from Barak.
We’ve had some cool recent adventures, with the Rockband party and the trip out west for Rachell’s wedding and vacation, but Paula’s pretty much covered those with a lot of pics and it would just be rehashing. And if a picture is worth 1000 words…well, it’d be a really long post.
I’m sports fan, but this is the worst time of the year for sports. June-Aug makes me feel like I’m in a proctologists waiting role and the only magazines available are AARP The Magazine and CosmoGIRL!: agonizing anticipation w/ nothing fill the gaps.

There you have it. I got nothing. Let’s be honest – this post is nothing but blog fodder – a stop gap until something better comes along, like our two presidential candidates.

Can anyone see the gross injustice being made manifest in this picture? Anyone?

I’ll tell you what it is, the travesty that is being plainly manifest in this shot, the obvious black hole of justice that screams at me like a banshee within the quiet walls of my living room: our clock is larger than the TV! This is not an illusion and has nothing to do with depth or distance or the UN. It's science.

O, Justice, where art thou? Thy blindfold doth cause deceit at mine expense!

An opportunity has been presented to right this wrong. I can acquire a large TV at an incredibly low price – seriously, 51 inches of HDTV for under $700 – and I’m 70-30, no, 87-13, that I’m going to pull the trigger on this. What do you say? Should I do it?

Lskjfwerlkjsadfoiuw! (Again)

2008-06-13T09:25:00.016-04:00

After such an intense couple weeks of posting, I had to take a break and gather myself. Apparently I’ve been gathered, because here’s another post. Hooray. And as is my M.O. after a some PTO, this is probably gonna end up long and random.

It’s summer in Georgia. Flamboyantly so. If the seasons were contestants from reality shows, this summer would be a like the gay little man who won Project Runway: fierce. On a straighter note, it’s hot as ding (ding is a fun little word that you can toss in anywhere: “Hot has ding”; “Smells like ding”; “Looks like ding”) here, with temps in the mid to upper 90’s the past several days and humid. My glasses fog up every time I leave the house/car/office. It’s the best. I can’t wait to head out west this July and spend 10 days in the mountains where humidity is as foreign as common sense in Congress. (Seriously, click on the 'Congress' link. And people expect these jokers to manage a health care system?!)

When I was but a youth, there was an ongoing struggle in my home between the forces of good and evil. Okay, not really, but there was a struggle over the television. My mother wasn’t a fan and my dad was (I take after dad here); during these years, sometimes the TV would end up on sabbatical in the attic for a few weeks. Anyhow, during one such break when I was 10 or so dad started reading these books to Nathan and I – the Shannara books by Terry Brooks. These aren’t little kid books either. But we loved them. We’d lay on the floor and listen as dad read for a couple hours at a time, until we fell asleep, and then we’d resume the next night. We ended going through the original trilogy in this manner – 1191 pages.
So real were the characters and so attached I became to them that I remember actually crying twice: once in the first book when Hendel died after he and Menion Leah had thwarted a secret attack at Tyrsis; the other was Helt sacrificing himself in the gear house to keep the gate shut.

Two weeks ago I finished the trilogy again. Dad sent the 25^th anniversary edition to us boys. Excellent, excellent, excellent books – the classic battle of good versus evil, right versus wrong. Some people would say those battles don’t exist anymore. I just think the darkness is better disguised. Regardless, I commend these to anyone who is looking for a good read. Though don't tell my wife you're reading them because you'll be labeled "nerd".

I went through and organized my CD’s recently. I seem to do this once a year because what happens is Paula and I get our music mixed up and pretty soon all I have in my case is Michael Buble (pronounced ‘Bubble”), some hip-hop junk and Jim Brickman. Anyway, while sorting I came across a bunch of compilations that took me back; I’ve grouped them by timeline – not so much when the CD was purchased or made, but rather the memories they create invoke. The titles are profound and deep with meaning - I'm not sure if I can decipher them, but here are some highlights (featured songs from actual CD):
High School 1994-1998: (Volumes 1-3). Spacehog, Nirvana, Better than Ezra, Seven Mary Three, Third Eye Blind, Reel Big Fish, Dogs Eye View, and even one Backstreet boys song. All the good stuff (and stupid stuff) that was popular during those formidable years. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about high school anymore, but these tracks bring it all back – the best 6 years of my life.

Fall 2002: Ltrain’s PV 58 Mix. Lifehouse, Fuel, lots of 3 Doors Down and even some rap (shout out to T-boz w/ Welcome 2 ATL-Remix (edit)). This semester I bought a computer with a CD burner, so I did a lot of ripping and catching up on stuff I’d missed from 99-01. It was the Nerf and my first time together after 28 months of separation and meeting Zach. Good times.

I’m Angry. Linkin Park, Disturbed, Papa Roach, Puddle of Mud and such. For those times when things weren’t panning out right – or when we were going snowboarding. Nerf, Cackifer, Slam and I each had a copy. I think the Nerf’s was titled “Girls are Gay”. But we weren’t bitter.

TFTL. What is this acronym? In the interest of absolute candor, I abashedly admit “Tunes for the Ladies”. This was a little something called mood music, my friends. As you laugh, I remind you the Buck had a bench seat, which means no pesky center console, so…yeah.

Memorial Day AZ Campout 2004. Somehow a CD that starts with the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, ends with REM and has Saliva, Hoobastank, Lit, Travis, and Mest stands the test of time (all four years). I made this little mix while spending a summer making just enough money to pay for gas but having the most fun I’ve ever had in four months. Ironically, I chased a girl down there and spent exactly 0 seconds of face time w/her. Should have broke out TFTL, I guess.

This little poem is to the rhythm of "Jack and Jill":

Lydia climbed up the stairs,
Mom and Dad, they were so proud.
When Lydia fell down the stairs,
Mom, she screamed; Dad, he cursed; both felt awful for the rest of the day and Lydia never had to cry for anything the rest of the day because she was super-indulged the rest of the day to ease the parental guilt.

I guess that last line doesn't rhyme. 14 stairs. Apparently she can get her cute, chubby little fingers in the crack of a door, open it up and zip on through; I was working, Paula was getting a recipe off the net and there it was. But she's super tough (kids seem to be) and after a 4-oz bottle, she was smiling and crawling again.
Gates have now been firmly established in the Roberts household.

Memorial Day Highlight

2008-05-27T13:07:00.003-04:00

First things first: thanks to all who shared their insights/thoughts/concerns/opinions on the government assistance posts. If nothing else, it seems those who hadn't thought about it before now are and those who have might think a little more. 12 people have taken the poll in the upper left hand corner of this page and it seems 3 people have moved to the right of the line and none have defected to the dark side. Not a bad result as we celebrate Memorial Day and honor those who have died protecting the liberty which allows for such dialog.

Also, it has become apparent there should be a way for those want to carry on a dialog but not for the world to see; so, I've created an email account: Cyber.Commorancy@gmail.com. If you go to View My Complete Profile under About me, there's a link that says Email and that'll work too.

We had a good Memorial Day - thanks to the Cashman clan for their hospitality towards the Roberts fam. The highlight of my day was putting my own spin on Lydia's hair. She has a lot of it and for the first time I took advantage of it. As I was styling her hair, we started talking about when Beckett visited and Linds spiked his hair and it was cool. I mentioned to Lydia that Beckett might be a little jealous of all this spikeable hair.
She said she doubted he'd be jealous, just impressed, though most her Roberts uncles might be jealous of all her spikeable hair.

I couldn't help but laugh.

She'd been hittin' the bottle pretty hard over the long weekend

Laughing at her mom's reaction to this new, edgy style

Let us pray her head is never as bulbous as her dad's.

Stampin' mad: Still Stampin'

2008-05-23T10:33:00.003-04:00

Wow.
Opinions concerning food stamps/Medicaid/WIC exceed those of piercing the ears of babies and the joy of Xboxing as expressed by Capt. Von Trapp. Who knew? The post also registered the best name-calling comment ever: I'm a Cyber Commoron. Well played. Even Hyrum Steed can’t top that. (Natalie, you could use that as the link for my blog!)
In the midst of writing the previous post it was apparent a follow up post would be needed; Paula emphasized this as the comments piled up, concerned about the brash approach and potential ramifications amongst friends and associates. The comments (if you haven’t read them all, I highly encourage you to) were insightful and branched out from food stamps, engendering questions – which comments, by the way, are much appreciated – regarding other forms of government welfare.
Ames Family and Anonymous: no worries about arguing. I see nothing wrong with an honest one. Today’s world treats the expression of a firm opinion or argument as taboo because it might offend; hence, many important topics aren’t discussed at depth and we sojourn on in shallow, meaningless drivel. Dissenting (sincere) comments are more than welcome. Just another reason I’ll always allow anonymous comments, never go private or delete a comment (unless it’s crude, vulgar, or damages my ego).

Now, on with the show.
The use of Medicaid and WIC (Women, Infants, Children) usage when young and in school was mentioned several times. I’ll give my opinion on each separately, starting with Medicaid/Medicare.
Health insurance provided by universities are generally expensive and what is covered still puts a lot back on the individual; in case of emergency you could be staring at a $10k-plus bill. Those types of bills are no fun when it’s for something you plan on, much less when it’s unexpected.
That being said, my thoughts about Medicaid are the same as food stamps. My reasoning for placing the two together is because they are built upon the same premise –it is acceptable for Party C to take (forcefully) from Party A and distribute to Party B as C feels appropriate. The fundamental approach of the system is a corrupt (meaning “to alter from the original or correct form or version”) form of welfare or charity and my its very nature encourages abuse.

An indulgent personal experience.
Shortly before being married I had an emergency appendectomy. I had no insurance, was recent college grad and had been working for about 3 months (I was a contract employee and expensive health care was my only option, which I opted out of); much to my chagrin, the hospital bill and associated fees were in excess of $22,000. I didn’t qualify for government aid because I had a job, which I thought ironic since every paycheck had money taken from me for Medicare/Medicaid. Many stressful days, letters, phone calls and negotiations later I ended up with bills totaling just under $5k.

I had the best intentions to stay debt free – never had one once of debt up to that point and not because of mommy and daddy’s pocketbook – but a service was rendered in which my life was saved. What right did I have to expect someone else to foot this bill? Or to have the doctors and nurses to eat it just because I wasn’t planning on it? Nope. I’m not entitled to that just because I exist and happen to be honest. So it was necessary to do some footwork and work the bill down and then pay it.

Serious introspection would show misplaced priorities. Some people are willing to take on debt for furniture; many will take on the beast when purchasing a vehicle; I know of no one who paid (their own) cash for their first home. None of these things are essential to our survival. So why is our expectation to have the government prevent us from debt when our lives are preserved with surgery or medical intervention or when a beautiful child comes into this world? Should we only go into debt for what we want, not what we need? Such expectations are naive and indulgent.

Regarding WIC…toss it in with the other two. Or place it gently with them. Either way that is where it belongs, for the premise upon which means are provided is corrupt and encourages abuse. Instead of going to and expecting our government to fund the bill, how about family? Parents, brothers and sisters. If there is not sufficient in these resources, what about the church? Having served as the Executive Secretary in our last ward, I know first hand that food orders and assistance is provided. Generously provided.
While serving in this position, there were many who asked for help when they were spending money on cable TV, movies, eating out, clothing from places other than Goodwill or DI, pet food, etc…and were hesitant to give up these things to make ends meet. It’s would be like me refusing to give up my Xbox Live membership while there are bills I can’t pay. It’s self-centered and arrogant.
I’ll have to disagree with Zach’s (tongue-in-cheek) comment – the Constitution makes no provision for keeping up with the Jones’s. Nor should it. When entitlement of comfortable living becomes our norm, stripped away is choice and accountability, replace with the chain of bondage to our provider. Sounds like the plan of someone a long, long time ago. And we know how that ended. There’s only one Provider I want to be indebted to for my existence.

And there your have it: my opinions regarding government assistance.
Let it be clear I have no problem with charity or welfare when administered correctly. Careful reading of both posts will reveal no opposition of giving/getting help. Never. I get significant tax breaks with of the percentage of my income that goes to charity. I’m not bragging or trying to be self-righteous. It just needs to be clear I give and give without compulsion.
What makes me Stampin’ Mad is the pseudo-charity created by compulsory means – forcing A to give to C, who then decides how it will be used for B. True, honest, sincere welfare is created by individuals who want and are willing to give, not forced to. In this way both the giver and receiver are blessed temporally and spiritually. And this charity does exist. (Some examples.)

Here’s the real question:
Why turn to government for assistance? Why turn to a source that cares and knows nothing about you instead of turning to those with our best interests at heart and love us? Probably because government is faceless; the government won’t see us sitting outside the bishop’s office and leaving with a food order; because we don’t have to face the government at family events.
Speaking personally, it requires a lot of humility to approach those who know me best and love me with my hand out for help, admitting that I’m not making it my own. Something faceless and removed is easier because there is no connection, no bond. But maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, if this gets any longer no one will read it.
In summation, those commenting who have used Medicaid or WIC, I don’t think you’re manipulative or lazy. I wanna make that clear. If you were, I think there’d of been CURSING IN ALL CAPS in your comments.
My hope is everyone will reexamine where we go for help and what the cost is. When we go to those who give willingly, the only thing we surrender is our pride and vanity; when we go to that which gives through force, we lose our freedom and our agency. Is it even possible a system that forcefully takes from one to redistribute to another can be good and moral? Hopefully, if situations arise in the future where help is needed, this corrupt system will not be the source we turn to.

Stampin' mad

2008-05-21T11:29:00.007-04:00

Time for a little ragin’ about the welfare/social state of our nation Readers beware: you are entering a logic and reason zone: check your emotional, bleeding-heart ways at the door. Buckle up, kids. It's gonna be bumpy

The AP released a news article about the plight of individuals who use food stamps as a means to feed themselves are having problems because the price of food is going up. The article starts by featuring Danielle Brown, a single mother of two (ages 1 and 3), who says “Ain’t got no food left, the kids are probably hungry” as she shops with her new allotment on the first of the month. She reports that the money for food ran out two weeks ago.
This is tragic – I mean, what meager, insufficient amount of money are we, the tax-payers, giving to this woman so that it is gone after just two weeks. $100? $150? $200 at the most, right? Wrong. Danielle Brown gets $312 a month. For food. And she blows it in just 2 weeks. I’m not very good at math, but if we say Danielle needs money for four weeks of food a month, then she apparently deserves $624 to feed herself and two child under 5 years old!
Also featured is Lynda Wheeler, another single mother with a 14 year old son and a 2 year old daughter are in a similar pickle – running out of money by the 15^th – with $281 a month. So Lynda needs $562 a month, apparently. Here’s a picture of Lynda buying packaged meals at One Stop Food & Liquors. A couple observations:

Lynda doesn't look like she ran out of food 2 weeks ago
If you are running out of money (or someone else’s, in this case), why buy instant/pre-cooked dinners?
Going out on a limb that One Stop Food and Liquors isn’t the best place to get a deal on groceries.

What the h#@! is going on here?! Seriously. Both of these women get more money to provide food for less consumption than my household budgets for food in a month! Why in the world should one adult and two pre-k children burn through $312 in a month, much less two weeks! AARRGHHHH!
This is ri-goshdarn-diculous. The real kicker, what really gets under my skin is that the attitude is not one of thanks or appreciation. I'd be ecstatic if someone gave me $300 a month for food. But none of that here. Somehow, because they breathe, they are entitled to have other people supply for their needs. And they need more.
Heaven forbid a person has to get up off their obese behind, get out the door and WORK. O, the degradation of having to work two jobs! How dare anyone have to work more than 40 hours a week to make ends meet! I'm pretty sure it says in the Constitution says that if a high school education and 40 hours a week doesn't allow me to have digital cable, a cell phone and a constantly stocked fridge, it is the duty of the government to step in and take care of me.
What bull.

I’m about to make a statement – a broad, insensitive, generalizing, stereotyping statement. So, if you are nervous, please navigate away from this and come back in a week or so when something else is posted. Here it goes:
No self-respecting person who is not disabled, physically or mentally, should rely on our government to provide for their daily needs. Those who do are leaching, lazy and dishonest people who have no moral fiber, no pride in themselves and no sense of self worth.
I will never – never – walk down that road.
For those who now (if you didn’t before) think I’m arrogant and condescending, let me legitimize your thought: You’re an idiot. Now you have just cause to believe I’m arrogant and condescending.
The reason I will never accept government money for my daily needs is because if I do, I am condoning the act of taking by force (taxes) the property (money) of another to supply for my needs. I would be saying I am entitled to your money while you are not. Why? Because I’m alive, that’s why.
Someone tell me that's not arrogant and condescending.

Small and White

2008-05-14T11:59:00.005-04:00

About three weeks ago Paula and I watched The Sound of Music. I realize this admission challenges my masculinity, but before any smart comments are left, I have two things to say: first, I'd rather be known as one who watches The Sound of Music than The Hills or similar dross; second, it was a Sunday and in the Roberts household we try to keep it mellow on the Sabbath. Growing up, movies such as The Sound of Music or The Ten Commandments where the only approved television viewing and as I’ve reached adulthood, I’ve tried to maintain a level of television abstinence on Sunday, though occasionally there's been digression - particularly during football season.
Anyway, there’s this song on there called Edelweiss and it’s nice, though incidentally it is not German or Austrian in origin and was only written for the movie. Here are the lyrics:

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Every morning you greet me
Small and white,
clean and bright
You look happy to meet me.
Blossom of snow
may you bloom and grow,
Bloom and grow forever.
Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Bless my homeland forever.

Now, many of you might be wondering “Why is he posting this?” That’s good, because the plan was to lure you in with this off-the-wall intro.
The other week my Xbox 360 was returned – a moment of great joy in my life as it has been out of commission for a few months. It was a glorious moment and I have been enjoying the sound of music that meets my ears every time I turn it on. (You Xboxer’s know the sound of which I speak.)
As I’ve reflected on our reunion, my mind drifts to Captain Von Trapp and I raise my off pitch voice with his rich baritone in tribute to my special small and white emblem of joy:

My X-Box, My X-Box,
In the evenings you greet me.
Square and white,
Clean and bright
You look happy to meet me.
Hours of fun
Under moon or sun,
I could play forever.
My X-Box, my X-Box,
May my thumbs tire never.

R vs D: The Intro

2008-05-06T13:07:00.005-04:00

A whopping 16 people had the time or the inclination to let their opinions be known on this little corner of the world (wide web) regarding the preference of a Democratic or Republican (not talking political parties here) form of government. I appreciate your votes and the candor in some of the comments I’ve received over the past couple of posts. Dave, Nerf and Shantay – appreciate your thoughts and questions on the subject.

Paula said this post is too long and no one will read it. I bristled at that comment, and rebutted by quoting Jefferson:

"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be."

There’s always time to play Xbox, watch stupid reality shows, read silly, fluffy books and whatever other frivolous things we do, but not to think and carry on dialogue about our rights. Much to my chagrin, Paula is right. (Not that I mind her being right, I just wish I could put more stock in us as Americans.) So, I’ve decided to break this down like I did the super-post at the end of February/first of March: This introductory post will house links to each section of my discourse on the difference between a Republic and a Democracy, and why I feel a Republic is infinitely superior to a democracy as a form of government.

While these posts won’t be as wildly popular and acclaimed as the previous – and more frivolous – one, I feel it necessary to make some mention of a couple things:

What the United States is (or was designed to be)
Fundamental differences between a Republic and a Democracy
Our Founding Fathers’ view
What the purpose of government should be (according to me)

Before proceeding, I feel that to add some clout to the arguments I’m going to make, I need to address my paragraph about MTV’s “The Hills” in the post in which the poll originated. First, I think this show is just plain ridiculous and annoying. I LOATHE it… LOATHE IT! The intimate knowledge of the show and its characters I displayed is simply a cut and paste job from the website, with a change in narrative from 3^rd to 1^st person. Hopefully I can now be taken a bit more seriously.

R vs D: And the winner is...

2008-05-06T13:06:00.001-04:00

Like the ugly duckling not knowing if he was a swan, or the Sharpton/Jackson hordes not sure if Barak is black, there is confusion regarding what form of government the US was designed to operate as. A couple clues: “…the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands…” and “Battle Hymn of the Republic”.

The framers who literally offered their lives to establish a government that would preserve individual liberty (more on this later) framed a Republic. There you go kids, we (are supposed to) live in a Republic – specifically a Constitutional Republic.

R vs D: Same diff? Hardly.

2008-05-06T13:03:00.003-04:00

A democratic (again, the form of government, not the party) form of government is a ‘Rule by Omnipotent Majority’ in which the rights of the minority do not exist. This is true whether it be a Direct Democracy, or a Representative Democracy.

In the direct type all decisions are reached by a majority vote (of at least half-plus-one). Under a Representative Democracy the people elect representatives to the national legislature and it functions by a similar vote of at least half-plus-one in making all legislative decisions. In either form the majority has absolute power.

Law is whatever the government determines it to be. The restraint is upon the individual instead of government. Rights are privileges and permissions granted by government and can be rescinded by government because the governing body is that of the majority.

Freedom in a democracy is contingent on the people knowing what freedom is and consistent application of it; if the people – more specifically if the majority – don’t know and understand this, a democracy becomes as oppressive as a dictatorship or monarchy.

A republican (still talking about government, not party) form of government is a constitutionally limited government of the representative type, created by a written Constitution which is adopted by the people and changeable (from its original meaning) by them only by its amendment. An important aspect (and what separates it from a democracy) of a republic is that it is designed to strictly control the majority and protect the God-given rights and liberties of the individual.

Law is whatever the charter or constitution determines it to be, and not subject to majority vote (though to ratification). Restraint is upon the government instead of the individual. Rights are not seen as privileges or permissions granted by government and cannot be rescinded by government.

Republics tend to be free, not because of elections by citizens but because they are bound by a constitution or charter, which limits the power of the governing body. That people vote for representatives has nothing to do with freedom. It is the logical rationality of the constitution and people’s willingness to live by said constitution that maintains freedom.

R vs D: Fathers Knew Best

2008-05-06T13:01:00.004-04:00

Those men who revolutionized government in the late 18^th century were vehemently opposed to the idea of democracy because when a man has power he inevitably becomes corrupt; the same is true of the majority. James Madison knew this and pointed it out in The Federalist:

"As there is a degree of depravity in mankind which requires a certain degree of circumspection and distrust: So there are other qualities in human nature, which justify a certain portion of esteem and confidence. Republican government (that of a Republic) presupposes the existence of these qualities in a higher degree than any other form. Were the pictures which have been drawn by the political jealousy of some among us, faithful likenesses of the human character, the inference would be that there is not sufficient virtue among men for self government; and that nothing less than the chains of despotism can restrain them from destroying and devouring one another." (Emphasis added.)

So, to decipher the big words and break it down 21^st century style, on the one hand we should be suspicious of man because of his inclination to immoral actions; on the other hand, the is much about man that is good. A Republican government takes into account both sides more than any other type of government because it takes into account that men, by nature, crave power and is incapable of governing themselves without restraint.

While democracy is an effective tool in ridding a people of a more evil and crushing regime, it is a means to opening the door to a free flow of thought rather than an end for governance. This is because a Democracy is nothing more than a tyrannical form of government, except instead of one man and his ilk issuing decrees and stripping away individual liberty it is the tyranny of the majority trampling the freedoms of the minority under foot. Said John Adams:

"Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There was never a democracy yet that did not commit suicide."

R vs D: Summation

2008-05-06T12:55:00.003-04:00

Government is a tool for protecting individual liberty. That is all. It should not ever grant liberty or rights because it DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER TO. It was understood during the inception of this country and should be understood now that our individual rights – life, liberty and the pursuit (not the guarantee) of happiness – are unalienable. That's my interpretation of Thomas Jefferson's assertion:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights…”

John Adams expounded upon this notion:

“You have rights antecedent to all earthly governments; rights that cannot be repealed or restrained by human laws; rights derived from the Great Legislator of the Universe."

Only the Supreme Being to which the founding fathers looked has the ability to grant rights and liberties - not Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid, not John McCain or George Bush. The Constitution never even hints that government is a granter of rights. It is not. It is the protector of rights.

On this premise, I assert a Republican form of government is infinitely preferable because it has the tools to protect liberties of the individual while withstanding the swirling tide of opinion and subjective truth. A Democratic form of government is less desirable because it does not have tools to protect individual liberties or withstand the swirling tide of opinion and subjective truth; for whatever the majority determines is right is right and can be made law, even when it imposes unfair and unjust burdens upon the individual.

Therefore, at the risk of sounding sanctimonious, I reiterate by a pledge of allegiance to the REPUBLIC as one nation under God (for the rights guaranteed us by the Constitution are not granted by man, but by Him; for if granted by man they can be taken away by man) to protect and preserve the liberty and justice for the individual, which individual embodies the whole.

Great articles:
Are we a Republic or a Democracy?
Republic? Democracy? What’s the difference?

Lskjfwerlkjsadfoiuw!

2008-04-30T08:55:00.005-04:00

Here’s a random mess of thoughts from my mind. Proceed with caution.

Poll, not pole: My site has been visited 96 times since I posted the Republic vs Democracy question, but only 10 people have done anything with the poll, which closes at the end of the day. There are probably several double hits in that number (maybe even triple?), so we’ll say maybe 50 unique visitors in the past week, making it a fifth who have an opinion on the matter. I think it is an accurate representation of how people:

Don’t have a basic knowledge of government
Don’t care about government
Think government is stewpud.

And I think all three reasons are why we let the government do pretty much whatever it wants with very little accountability.
Anyway, once the results are tallied, I’ll post my opinion. Dave made a very informed comment, so if you have any questions read it.

Tasteless: I surprised Paula with a trip to the outlet malls on Saturday; apparently we overpaid Countrywide and got a check in the mail, so it was a guilt free shopping day for her and stress free one for me. I like those days. Melissa, having been abandoned by her entire family for the weekend, volunteered to take Lydia so major thanks and kudos to her.
Before we left the shopping smorgasbord, I decided to grab a snack at this place called Harry and David for the drive home. I decided on some Wasabi Peas. They were delicious and hot, which was exactly what I was going for; unfortunately there were some negative side effects.
First, they were addicting so I overindulged, which in part led to the second and more damning (literally, not just looking for a reason to curse) consequence: My taste buds are done. Seriously. Sunday I had absolutely no taste – coffee cake for breakfast, bread, apricot chicken, spearmint gum – none of it did a thing. Monday, same story different day; yesterday I began to get a little taste back at the tip and very back of my tongue. Everything is tasteless. I feel like Kramer in the Seinfeld episode with the Mackinaw peaches after he spends time in the fumigated apartment. An excellent diet tool, yes; a miserable existence, for sure.

Harvard: It was the Nerf’s birthday last week, so happy birthday. Speaking of which, he was accepted to Harvard Law School for the Fall 2008 semester, which is pretty awesome. I believe he’s going to try and defer a year to save up some money but that is quite the accomplishment. I’d venture to say not too many kids from Wyoming have ever gone to Harvard Law, but he will. This is a big deal and since no one else has let the world know, I figured I would.

What up, Holmes?: Disclaimer: In no way do I hold a candle – nay, not even a match – to Natalie’s blog-sleuthing skills. In fact (I’ll probably have my site shutdown for revealing this, but such is the price of freedom) she was recently contacted by the Pentagon because she found Osama bin Laden via her blog surfing. Apparently he has a Facebook page also. But I digress…
Anyway, I stumbled onto a college friend’s blog via the Ames'. Averi and I had a ton of classes together (we were both in the grueling College of Communications) and I really got a kick out of her – very witty and sarcastic, so naturally we got along. This site is a real treasure trove of dry – like vacuum sealed – humor and I make sure to check it out. Well, low and behold there are a ton of links to other people in these classes that I hadn’t thought about, much less heard about, in three or four years. So I was checking some of them out and found that many are private. And I gotta ask why...

Do I know you?: Seriously, this is the INTERNET. If you don’t want people to be in your business, why are you posting anything on it at all? It's like celebrities being upset when people photograph them. Just don’t be dumb with the info you put there. Like your address, or where you work or your social security number. Seriously people, if you only want family and close friends to know what’s going on, that’s why Al Gore invented email. I have Google Analytics on tracking traffic on my site and I get hits all the time from cities I have no friends or family in. And these people aren’t the one and done ones either.
So, taking a chapter from Brother Obama, I am going to have the audacity to hope that we, as bloggers, can change. As a token of good will, I’m going to give a shout out to frequent visitors whose names I do not know:

Colorado: I know the Sucher’s are in Littleton, but to you strangers in Englewood, Johnstown and Denver, may this blog only enhance your Rocky Mountain high.
Illinois (Chicago-area): Do not let the windiness of your fair city keep you away. PS – I love your hotdogs.
Kansas (Topeka): I really don’t know anything about Topeka. But if ignorance is bliss, I definitely love you.
Minnesota: May your visits continue to be as numerous as your lakes.
New York: From the capitol to the Big Apple, would I go private on you? Fuggedaboudit
Texas: Your state takes forever to drive across! But it does not change my affections for you.
Wyoming (Cheyenne/Warren AFB): I saw Tim McGraw and Faith Hill at Frontier Days in 97. And it's the state of my youth. Cowboy up.
O, Canada: There will be no security checks for you on this blog, my friends of the true north, strong and free.

There are many other anonymous readers scattered across this great land, from sea to shining sea, and may you all feel welcome and safe in the knowledge Cyber Commorancy will never go private.
But if you steal my identity or try and hurt my family, I will hunt you down and inflict pain upon you until you wish your were at the receiving end of my Winchester 12-gauge.

Quick Poll

2008-04-24T15:09:00.002-04:00

Hey all. Just a quick post as I'm looking for some feedback.

It's election time (as you likely know unless you live in a cave or spend all your time watching 'The Hills' and have had your IQ reduced to that of a gnat) and as such I've decided to ask my three readers a political question:

"Would you prefer to live in a Democracy or a Republic?"

The poll is in the upper left hand corner of this blog. If you have additional comments regarding why you answered the way you did, leave them. The polls close on 5/1.

I know this was short, but I gotta go. 'The Hills' is about to come on and I want to know if there's any fallout from Heidi showing up at GOA when Lauren was there. I agree with Spencer - I refuse to feel bad for Heidi and I don't want to hear about her trips to clubs... especially ones that involve Lauren.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....

2008-04-14T15:08:00.007-04:00

Episode VII
A New Jedi

With the Emperor and his minions having been destroyed, a season of peace has come and with it, the rise of the New Republic; still, an undercurrent stirs. As the Jedi try and keep this evil subdued, it becomes apparent the need for a new Jedi Master - one that will vanquish the Dark Side once and for all...

Who is this new Jedi...

...Sworn to destroy all who pledge allegiance to the Dark Side?

She is Lydi-won-Kanobi...

And she is very powerful.

"I pity da fool who chooses the Dark Side!"

More than what? A feeling...

2008-03-17T08:05:00.010-04:00

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone - especially since switching from EST to EDT here in the ATL. This Monday was an exceptionally sunless morning as Lydia let out some cries around 4:40, 20 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, so I hopped in the shower to start my day.

I've given up listening to FM radio here in Atlanta ever since 99x disappeared to make room for Q100. Even before then, my listening to the FM dial in the morning had become a thing of the past after one of the popular morning shows had their token gay/lesbian personality talking about her amazing date that ended at 4am. Thanks, but no...

Well, this morning I was listening to the news for my traffic reports and wasn't too impressed; same story different day and who needs that on a Monday? Fortunately, I’d grabbed my cd's from Paula's car on Saturday and rifled through them and put one in. A smile found its way onto my lips and I lost myself in a familiar song, I closed my eyes and I slipped away.

If I’ve paraphrased Papa Burgundy once, I’ve paraphrased him a million times – if you don’t think this classic rock song is the greatest classic rock song ever, will fight you. That’s no lie. Why is it the greatest ever? So many songs have come and gone, the notes they fade as the years go by; yet still I recalled as I drove on, as clear as the sun in the summer sky…

In a tribute to this song that has set my day off on a good note, in spite of a pre-5AM awakening, I give you - performed by Sacred Heart’s very own air band, Cool Cats, (Turk on vocals, Ted on lead guitar, Delivery Guy on drums, Janitor on bass) in one of the greatest renditions ever – More Than A Feeling.

Se délecter.

Scrubs : Les Perroquets Sauvages : The End
Uploaded by Pylou59

Lyrics | More Than A Feeling lyrics

Ramblings...and Round 2

2008-03-14T09:13:00.005-04:00

Not much has been going on the past couple weeks - work on the house has slowed a bit, not that for a lack of things to do but more to just sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor for a week or two. I have a list of things to get done by the end of the month before Nerf, Lindz and Beckett get here, but it's fairly minor. I did purchase a pair of nice shovels at The Home Depot so I can start to clean the exterior as the weather is shaping up. Good times; chance to work on the farmer's tan.

Last Saturday only a couple hours was spent on the house, after which Paula gave her blessing for me to participate in frivolous guy-time activities. I went over to Greg's where we started up Nitemare Symfony, currently doing shows throughout Europe as we build up a fan-base to get us stateside. That's right - we're rockers now, with over 50,000 fans from Stockholm to Rome. I'm on the drums, Greg on the guitar. We are looking for some vocals and a bass guitarist, so if anyone is interested, let Greg or I know so we can have you come audition during our next jam session. Seriously, we jammed for probably 5 hours, with a couple hours in the middle for a Chick-Fil-A run and screening of Anchorman. Basically, it was awesome.

Speaking of Paula, it was our anniversary this week - Round 2 of a lot of rounds. So far we're both still standing, so that's good. We managed to pick up a house, a daughter, some frequent flyer miles and a couple pounds this second half of this year of marriage, so we were pretty busy. But busy is good; keeps Paula out of mischief. She can really wear me out sometimes - forgetting to do the little things, wasting time gaming and forcing me to go to scary movies - so being busy has slowed her down a bit. She goes to bed at a decent hour now, not staying up till all hours of the night gaming online with teenagers and 40 year old men living with their mothers. Sometimes it's like there are two kids I'm trying to raise and I wonder if she’ll ever help me clean up after dinner. But I love her anyway, and she makes me laugh, so it's cool.

But, moving back to Earth from Bizarro World…

I’ve known I wanted to put a post up in commemoration of two years as The Roberts Family, but I haven’t really known what to say. I reviewed last year’s anniversary post and it was pretty good. I could have probably reposted it, changed a couple things and it would have worked for this year. But that’s sorta weak. And I’m not one to be sensitive, or rather put the sensitivity I may have on display for the world. It’s a conundrum.

As I’ve been thinking about our marriage, it’s led me down some interesting trails of thought – not only about our marriage but relationships in general. Reflecting on why I love Paula and what makes our marriage work, I can’t help but chuckle at the uniqueness of it. A perfect example is how Paula was cool with me being gone from 3pm to 12 am hanging out with Greg; there are a lot of wives who would not have let that happen, or at least not without making their husband feel like the world’s worst. It’s like how we go to the movies theater together but buy tickets for different movies once we get there. She’ll go and watch Becoming Jane while I check out Live Free Or Die Hard.

I'm a big-picture kind of guy - I can see things from a large, long-range view and work from that vantage point to accomplish a task. The little details, however, I am not good at. Not at all. If I can't set up the bill pay online so it's automatic, there will definitely be months where we get a double bill. Finding things around the house is hard for me - not because I have a bad memory, but the thing is usually small and I just miss it.
Conversely, Paula is detail-oriented. She is uber-organized and our house is always spotless; everything has a place and everything in its place; lists abound. People tease her about it (myself included) but make no mistake - if there's something that needs to be done that has a lot of moving parts, Paula gets the phone call. It's not a glamorous talent but is one that our household could go without. Now that Paula's learning Quicken, we'll never get our phone disconnected because I forgot to pay it (it happened - twice) and we are going to save over $600 a year in car insurance because she's so good at the details. When it comes to matters on the home front, I can honestly say I have no worries

As I was reflecting on our differences I was surprised how many things we differ on. I thought we had a ton in common – and we do; the list is easily as long of things we have in common – but there is a lot we are different on, or the one has a strength that is the other's weak point. It ends up being quite a complimentary pairing:

Paula: Details/Current needs
Logan: Big Picture/Long term needs

Paula: Organized
Logan: Scattered

Paula: Little
Logan: Big

Paula: Academic/Studious
Logan: Carefree/Relaxed

Paula: Woman
Logan: Man

Paula: Sensitive
Logan: If I have to be

Paula: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Logan: Band of Brothers

Paula: Brown
Logan: White

As you can see, the balance is uncanny.
In previous relationships, I was always doing 'sweet' things - writing flowery prose, elaborate gifts, driving hundreds (even thousands) of miles for the other half of the relationship. I don't do that now - I don't think I've ever written a poem or the like for Paula. And it doesn't have anything to do with my affections for her, because I love her far more then anyone else - look at the lengths I went to even be in a position to date her (quit job, ended relationship, moved to different state, etc...)
The reason I did those things before was because I was putting everything I could into the relationship and it wasn't enough, so I had to put more in to sustain it. In every one of those relationships, my emotional bank account became overdrawn and the relationship would crumble and end.

I never feel like I have to give more than I can with Paula; sure, there’s times when more is required of me (or vice versa) and we have to dig into some emotional savings, but it’s the exception, not the rule. It’s an incredible and reassuring feeling to know your best is enough for your other half – whether in business, friendship or marriage, the principal remains the same – and that your shortcomings will be accounted for and forgiven as long as you keep trying. If one person is always making all the effort to keep the relationship together, or one is making constant demands with little return, the relationship will crumble and end.

Anyway, this became a lot longer than I thought it would be; still, I have the whole internet, so why not? Just thought the world should know my wife is awesome, let’s me be me while keeping me heading to a better version – Logan 2.0 – and that’s why I love her.

You Talkin' To Me?

2008-02-29T09:56:00.003-05:00

A few comments (one a bit threatening) and a text message have prompted me to post something. I haven’t really felt like it, so I haven’t; I can’t really apologize for not posting, but I can apologize for not letting people know I wasn’t going to post for a while. I think that will be my new modus operandi: if I don’t feel like blogging and know I don’t, I’ll just post something like “Out of Blog: Will return XX/XX/XXXX” At least that way I’m not wasting people’s time.

Obviously plenty has happened in the past month - a reason I haven't been posting - but I don’t know how much merits blogging about. I’ve come up with four topics and as to not make this a super long post, here they are. Just click on the links and they’ll take you to each. Don’t want anyone to get carpal tunnel from over scrolling.

The House: The transformation of the past month.

The Holiday: A tribute to Valentines Day

The Hobby: Need your input

The Hack Off: Political mayhem and my views thereof

The Hobby

2008-02-29T09:55:00.003-05:00

I've touched on this a few times in the past, but I am now ready to unleash the hounds.
If you didn't know before, now you will. I love to write and, despite the lack of actual posts on this blog, I have nevertheless continued to write as I work on my novel. That's right, folks, I have been writing a novel for the past few years. I've written and re-written hundreds of times, scrapping whole chapters and starting over. Over this time I've let a handful of people take a read; of those who have taken me up on the offer, I've received a little feedback and I really appreciate it. But I want more.
So, I've posted the entire thing online at bolokian.blogspot.com. Each chapter has it's own post (34 posts, including a Prologue and Epilogue) and they are in sequential order; I have not, however, made this available for public reading. Thus being the case, it will only be available to those I invite. If you're interested in delving into it, let me know (by a comment or an email or phone call or text message) and I'll send you an email so you can get in.
Please feel free to let me know what you think by making comments - what you love, what you hate; what parts are boring or exciting; places that are vague or unclear. Don't worry about offending me. I won't be with anything you say as long as you stop short of straight up telling me I suck as a writer.

The Holiday

2008-02-29T09:54:00.021-05:00

Valentines Day. I've seen my share. Over a quarter-century of them. And I've never been the biggest fan of them, probably because I felt I always got the shaft and usually did. No, that's not completely true. Growing up, we were strongly encouraged by our parents to not pair off and date one person exclusively until after high school and after missions. I followed that plea for the most part (early on because there was no one who'd date me and later on because there was no one I wanted to date). But one thing has been constant for every Valentines Day for the past 23 years: Mom's V-Day sugar cookies.

These aren't little (I should have put something next to the pic for size) and Paula, Lydia and I got one this year, just like every year. The Constant in my Valentines Day universe

I've reflected on my Valentine Day experiences over the past 10 years and this is what I remember:
1998 - My dad punked me by sending a big balloon and a teddy bear to the high school during lunch from a Secret Admirer. I was pumped and then found out it was a practical joke from my old man.
1999 - In Pittsburg, PA working construction. Sent flowers to Tara back home.
2000-2001 - The annual cookie from mom and nothing else - to busy serving the Lord.
2002 - Dating Jeana, too poor to do anything but flowers. I think we went to some dance on campus.
2003 - Recently disengaged and thus, disenchanted; relied on the cookie.
2004 - Melissa broke up with me after - more like while - giving me nice Tommy Hilfiger tie. It was weird.
2005 - Spent the day in San Francisco with Abby; best chocolate ever at The Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory.
2006 - Engaged to Paula; laid down some flow for some Jimmy Choo shoes. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again will I spend that much money on shoes.
2007 - Tried to go out and eat, but the first trimester skunked our plans. Curse you first trimester! Managed to score points with the iPod gift.
2008 - Tried to go to PF Chang's but ended up at Frontera because of the 2 1/2 hour wait; enjoyed an evening together vegging after a long week for Paula with the shop opening.

Anyway, that's the rundown - some good, some bad; some cheap, some expensive. In reality, the least eventful of my Valentines Day experiences have been the last three. But they've also been the best because of who I've been able to spend the time with - my wife. She's not perfect, but she is perfect for me and the man I am now is far ahead from the man I was before. It's funny how being with someone who loves you - for you and in spite of you - makes a slow night at Frontera the highlight of your week.
I wanted to post a picture of Paula, but after looking at our pictures, there aren't any of her and she just got this new haircut and looks really good. So, until I get that picture, I'll post pics of the greatest gift Paula has ever or could ever give me - little Lydia.

How am I ever going to say no to this? Dang it. I'm toast.

Paula always sure to have Lydia in the appropriate holiday attire.

Shower time. She's loves her showers. Ignore the pale man with the strange chest-hair pattern. He is of no importance.

Just enjoying a smoothie. Uncle Nerf and cousin Beckett, look familiar?

The House

2008-02-29T09:54:00.020-05:00

The house is looking great. It really is. That’s been my focus for the past five months, and probably will be for the next five; I suppose a home owner’s work is never done, and that is fine. One of the things that has surprised me is how much we've been able to do at relatively little expense. I mean, we've spent some money but if you take into account the condition of the house before we bought it and the current state of our home, we've been able to make some great strides while not taking out any loans or opening credit cards or using any 'no interest til' gimmicks. In February, we’ve only spent $250 at The Home Depot, so that’s cool.

For me, the pride of our home is the 450 square feet of ceramic tile. It was my first experience with tile and the like. Will and I put down the quarter round last Saturday and I caulked and painted it and the baseboards with a white high gloss paint and it looks awesome. There are a couple things I need to tweak, but this has sort of pulled everything together and the first floor of the house is awesome.
With the tile done, Paula was able to do some deep cleaning this week throughout the house and it looks pretty stellar. The windows were the biggest thing as they hadn't been cleaned from the time the folks before us took everything and ditched in the dark of night (like a year ago) and now. They were awful, but there wasn't any point in cleaning them because of the crazy dust and debris being thrown around on a regular basis. But now they look great.

Big thanks to Todd and Will for helping me with the floor; to Greg, Melissa and Amy for their coming and picking up Lydia for the day on several occasions so Paula could work; to Papa K for saving us some coin in putting together the heating and air. This has saved us time, money and sanity. I think March will be fairly minimal - just some painting and touch up in prep for Nerf, Linds and Beckett- before we tackle landscaping chores in April.

The Hack Off

2008-02-29T09:54:00.019-05:00

This was going to be 'The Frustration' but then I realized that every else was 'The H----' and figured I'd sync it all up.

I don’t view myself as an emotional person, though the official definition might qualify me as such; passionate is the word I prefer, defined as: the emotions as distinguished from reason b: intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction.

I have a good life: a beautiful daughter, a wonderful wife, a job, a home, my health, winning BYU athletics...yeah, things are nice. This does not, however, change the fact that my passions have been stirred insomuch I have not had feelings of joviality as of late.

The topic that has me so passionate is the current and future state of our country as highlighted and enunciated by the political happenings and attitudes within this country. Any who are not familiar with my feelings about the United States of America can find them contained in the virtual pages of this post.

Even now, I don’t know what to say and where to start. I'm just going to try and not swear profusely as I do it.

Tax Rebate? How about this tax ‘rebate’ that the government is ‘giving’ us? What a joke! Thank you, Mr. Government, for redistributing the money of the rich to the middle class and poor. Rebate…please. This money is going to people who didn’t even pay taxes (earning $3000, people on disability, collecting social security) and not going to those who did (individuals earning over $75,000). This crap is nothing more than wealth redistribution – and being redistributed by a REPUBLICAN President!

Everyone who is getting this thing (I refuse to call it a rebate) should send an email of thanks to people like my brother who put himself through college, got great grades in a difficult area, nearly aced the LSAT and works his tail off 12-13 hours a day. He’s not getting this government redistribution because through he’s worked like crazy and is successful. Meanwhile, people who sit on their backsides collecting welfare checks are getting it. And they never put anything in the pot!

Progressive Hypocrisy? No... I made the 'mistake' of starting to listen to conservative talk radio via the internet during the day at work. Mistake is in quotes because the only reason this is a mistake is because it reminds me how big of idiots people are for drinking the Kool-Aid big government proponents keep pouring. Anyway, I was listening to Glenn Beck and he had some interesting facts about John '$400 Haircut' Edwards, Bill 'That Woman, Ms. Lewinsky' Clinton, and Michael 'Evil America' Moore. You can read the entire thing here, but to sum up, all three of these men came from absolutely nothing and made it big in America because of their own hard work.

Edwards was the son of a textile worker and postal worker; he was the first person in his family to attend college and graduated with honors.
Clinton never knew his father - a traveling salesman who died three months before his birth. His mom had to go back to school and married a drunk who gambled and beat her. He got scholarships and went to college, became an intern for a US senator who helped him become a Rhodes scholar. He studied at Oxford and later got a law degree from Yale.
Moore, the son of a secretary and an automotive assembly line worker, dropped out of college and worked at an automotive plant. Eventually he quit working at the automotive plant and was hired as an editor of a political magazine. he was fired, went to court and settled for $58,000. He used that seed money to create his first movie.

The irony is that none of these guys got any help from the government and managed to be successful, yet they are all big proponents of big government. Basically, the message is 'Sure, I can make myself something out of nothing, but you can't. So turn over your money and choices to us and we'll make sure you get the basics.' Doesn't this seem unsettling to anyone besides me?

The Forgotten Man. I came across this essay, written by William Graham Sumner in 1883, and I think it is spot on. I had to read it a couple times because the language is, well, from 1883. But the content is truer today than it ever was. Ever. I'm going to sum up by quickly paraphrasing the opening paragraph, but I encourage everyone to take a look.
Most schemes of social welfare goes like this: A and B put their heads together to decide what C should do for D. The ridiculousness is that C isn't given a voice. His position, character, and interests - the ultimate effects on society through C's interests - are entirely overlooked. Sumner call's C the Forgotten Man.

Anyway this is what I've been thinking about and how there are few who will take a step back, think about all this and then make their voice heard. If things are going to change, we need make our voices heard. And by more than just casting a vote, because there's no one running for President right now who - in my opinion - has any interest in taking decision making from the government and giving it back to me and you.

Funny because it's true

2008-01-22T08:43:00.000-05:00

Just want to share a quick story that had me laughing.
Back in October of last year, there were some issues that came up and it created quite a mess. The team I'm on had a lot of work to do because other people dropped the ball and a lot of the help came from our off-shore team in India. So I sent out an email praising their efforts:

To you and all the OS team who worked on these I want to say well done. You guys have been swamped with literally thousands of AUAR revocations in addition to our normal volume; to take these tasks and complete them in such a short period deserves some major congratulations and acknowledgment for your efforts.

Perhaps it is boastful and big-headed of me to say this (it won't be the first time and definitely won't be the last) but I highly doubt any other group would be as expeditious and thorough as you have been. It's a great relief to know we have such strong support from the OS team to handle these types of unexpected urgent requests.

To paraphrase legendary anchorman Ron Burgandy, "Now if you don't think this Off-Shore team is the greatest Off-Shore team ever, I will fight you. That's no lie."

Much thanks and appreciation,

As you can see, I took some liberties in having some fun with this email - no big deal, right? I'd CC'd my manager on this because he was out of the office the week this went down and he got a kick out of the Anchorman tribute. The funniest part, Brian said, was that the OS team probably had never heard of Anchorman and thought I was being serious. (I was being serious about the tremendous job they did, but having fun with the RB quote.)

Well, fast forward to 3 months later. Brian comes into the office one morning last week and tells me that this group (our offshore team) is shopping around their services to other parts of ING to take on more responsibility. In the presentation they give there's a section of "What our customers have to say" and - that's right - my paraphrase is right there in the middle of it.

So, they are going around to these groups doing presentations and popping off Papa Burgundy and not knowing it's from him! To people who do! I'm using exclamation points! It's that funny!
Now, if you don't think that is funny, I will fight you. That's no lie.

Pierced Ears and Such

2008-01-17T22:59:00.000-05:00

Side note: I also don't love Democrats, but I love my wife. (It'll make sense, trust me.)

Next time: The tale of the missing tooth...

A new way to blog

2008-01-01T21:10:00.000-05:00

Another Reason to Bleed Cougar Blue

2007-12-14T07:58:00.001-05:00

Just a quick post an another reason why I love the essence of BYU athletics.

Bronco Mendenhall's name was swirling around as a potential prospect for the head coaching gig at UCLA. In a time where there is maybe a minutia of honor or integrity left in the hiring process in NCAA programs, it is nothing short of refreshing to have a head coach like Bronco. I really like what he says in this video clip about why he coaches at BYU. While I make no naive generalization about the integrity of the entire population of BYU student athletes, I do have confidence that the overwhelming majority follow in the footsteps of their head coach.

Yet another reason to rise and shout...
Now for my soapbox speech:
I know personally and from life experience many people who hate - that is no exaggeration - BYU. H-a-t-e it. Passionately. The thought makes their blood boil. I'm not talking about the random hater. I'm talking about LDS folks. (Caveat: This isn't about folks who just prefer another university; I'm talking about the angry and bitter little people out there.) And I have to question why. What is it that invokes such indignation, such animosity, such bitter bile that people become almost unable to utter anything coherent?
Is it because of the standards BYU espouses?
Is it because of the rules BYU enforces?
Is it because of the meshing of spiritual thought and secular learning?
My hypothesis is this:
These people hate BYU not simply for all the above reasons, but because those who attend BYU are mortal; and, by being in such a state, they fall short of the standards, rules and codes of the institution - either by deliberate action or a hiccup of better judgment. And these transgressions make them hypocrites because they have not followed by every rule to which they agreed but still espouse the rules which they violated.
The ironic thing to me is that, each members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has made covenants to live at a certain standard. In essence, each has signed an honor code. And these people are mortal; and, by being in such a state, they fall short of the standards - either by deliberate action of a hiccup of better judgment - and transgress the code by which they promised to abide. And these transgressions make them hypocrites because they have not follow by every standard to which they agreed but still espouse the rules which they violated.
But that's just one guy's observation.
Cougar-faithfuls and Cougar-hatefuls, now it's your turn to tell me what you think.

I'M SORRY!!!

2007-12-07T13:45:00.000-05:00

I owe my family and the five other people who look at this blog an apology for the length of time I've gone between posts. I had one ready to go the second week of November but the pics wouldn't load right and I forgot about it. I've posted it now (it follow this one) so there are some month old pictures there from when G&G Roberts came out for Lydia's blessing the first part of November.
Anyway, life has been uber-busy. (Uber is a hip German world for 'really'; I don't know if that's an exact translation, but I'm not the New York Times...oh, maybe I am and I don't check my facts before I put it in print. Yikes! I am the NYT.) I haven't even read any blogs in the past month or so, much less written anything. Sort of out-of-sight, out-of-mind, you know? Anyway, to put the past month in perspective, this is what's been going on - my life since the first of November:

1st weekend: G&G Roberts come into town for Lydia's blessing. I end up have to work the weekend on a mock run of a major project at work.

2nd weekend: Have to Friday night, Saturday and Sunday on the live run of a major project at work; spoke in Sacrament meeting on the topic of service as it relates to the great commandment.

3rd weekend: Wake up Friday morning at 3:30 am to get everything ready to catch a 6am flight to SLC for Ty and Kami's wedding. It's our first time traveling with a child. Stay up until 11:30 local time with family and friends, making it a 22 hour day. Saturday is full of wedding activities and stay up until 12am watching the DVR'd BYU v UW game at the Brough's house w/ Elder Brough as we explore the intricacies of his new iPhone. Sunday wake up at 5:30 to go back to Atlanta. We also had a 4 hour layover in Minneapolis on the way home, which would have been awful if not for the chance to see Zach, Keri and Saylor as they caught a connecting flight to PA. It had been 1 1/2 years since we'd seen them and it was a pretty sweet reunion.

4th weekend: Thanksgiving on Thursday, paint the kitchen and dining room of the new house; Paula decided she doesn't like the color she picked out and has me repaint the kitchen and dining room with a new color that looks pretty much the exact same; attend Ty and Kami's open house; watch the DVR'd BYU v UU game. Get a call from my mom at midnight telling me the score of the BYU-UNC bball game, so I log onto the computer and listen to the game till 1am; get up early next morning for bishopric meetings; get released; smile.

1st weekend (December): As with week 4, spend every non-job working moment working on the house. Lay tile Thursday night from 8pm straight through until Friday morning 6am, with help from Todd from 11pm to 2am; go to the apartment for a nap, get up and pack boxes and work some more on the house; get up early Saturday to find out U-Haul can take a reservation, but they can't hold a reservation; get a different, oversized truck from Penske and move. Get a lot of help from some great friends.

So anyway, that's been the scoop. There are a lot of little things that go into moving into a house, especially one that needs work, and I'm not a "little things" kind of person. It's been a bit crazy and while I've managed to get all the big stuff done, some of the little stuff has hung around to bite me. Oh well, what can you do? Live and learn...live and learn.

There's the update. Pics will come later. Maybe.

G&G Roberts meet their granddaughter

2007-11-07T17:58:00.000-05:00

Basically, you've got four kinds of bloggers:

The kind that blog everyday with little, pointless drivel (not that the degree of drivel differs among blogs in general) that doesn't really do anything for anyone. Like liberals.
The bloggers who post weekly, allowing interesting events to build up and turn the events into something worth reading.
Those who post sporadically but with distinct flavor and excitement and those who frequent the blog anxiously await every opportunity to read and comment, even if there's nothing there - like college freshmen and dating.
Then there are those who post once in a blue moon, so rare that you almost forget they have a blog and when they do post it's a mile long and takes almost the month before the next post to finish first.

Then there's this blog: pointless drivel, sprinkled with excitement sporadically as there are posts, but often far too long and sit down and really read. And I'm not sure that's something to aspire to.
Anyway, Paula posted some pics of my parents' visit to see their granddaughter. It was a good time, though I worked intermittently throughout their stay (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) which prevented ever venturing too far from home base. But we did have some good times. They are so great; Sunday night, Paula started feeling sick and their flight was leaving at 6:15am, which meant they needed to be at the airport around 5am, which meant we needed to leave by 4:30am, which meant getting up even earlier. So Grandma and Grandpa gave us the bed and slept on the single and couch while taking care of Lydia so we could rest. Seriously, a pair of troopers. They were so helpful and fun, not to mention very much in love with their first granddaughter. And Lydia reciprocated that love with a ton of smiles for them.
I'm going to just post some pics (with pithy comments) and wrap it up.

I'm practicing how I'm going to answer the phone when boys start calling for my daughter.
(Is Lydia there? Yep. Can I talk to her? Nope. Wha... Click. Dad!!! What? Wrong number.)

Statements like "My kid is the cutest in the world" always garnish an eye-roll from me. Really - yours is the cutest? Have you seen every kid in the world? So I won't say that. Cuz it's annoying and I'm a hypocrite in enough other ways I don't need another on the list. Even so, this kid's pretty darn cute.

This is at the World of Coca-Cola, not the North Pole. The polar bear really confused Lydia, but I assured her if it was the North Pole we'd have brought a jacket for her.

Outside the church building with G&G Roberts. Don't really have any smart comments for this...

Ah, the cousins. Both were very cute and both were imitating the other - Juliana awake and alert, Lydia passed out and fast asleep. What a couple of jokers. Whenever the general public finds out how close they are in age, the general consensus is that they'll be best of friends. We'll see; I hope so, but all bets are off when girls become teens.

Stuff

2007-10-29T12:53:00.000-04:00

I just noticed that it’s been over two weeks since I last posted. The weird thing isn’t the lack of posting – it’s that somehow the world continues to spin in spite of this. Is it possible that I’m not as influential as I think I am? Hmmm….

Since the world’s spinning, that mean time marches on and stuff’s happening. Since 90% of you who read me read Paula, you know we’ve purchased a house. Yep, I’ve just accrued a bunch of debt. And honestly, I don’t even care. Sure, I’ll probably care when something breaks and I can’t call maintenance (not that it’s done much in our apartment) but right now I’m just excited. It’s a pretty sweet house and I spent most of my day there Saturday prepping everything for paint, changing locks, killing fire ants and ripping out a nasty linoleum kitchen floor. I did some serious sweating, grunting and a little bleeding – so yeah, a good day. I’m starting to come in early for work so I can leave early and spend the evenings getting the place ready. It’s a wild ride, but exciting.

Lydia’s awesome. Still. She’s a big hit at church and other places, so that’s cool. I mean, I’m a big fan, but am also admittedly biased; having other people affirm my prideful ambitions is nice. But seriously, she’s a great kid. I’m sure it would be helpful if I posted some pictures. I’ll do that later.

What else….oh, upcoming events. Tomorrow I’m going to a Smashing Pumpkins concert. That’s right. Wild, eh? Well, my coworker and friend Jeff had a ticket and his wife doesn’t like the Pumpkins so I’m going for free. I’m not a huge fan, but it’s free and I know a couple songs from back in the day, so what the heck. I’m pretty convinced there are going to be a ton of crazies there, dressed in black and stuff. I’ll try to get some pics. You can all look forward to that.

Thursday night/Friday morning Grandma and Grandpa Roberts are flying into town to visit their granddaughter. That should be a lot of fun – I’m excited for them to see her and her them. From what I’ve heard, Grandpa can be quite the baby-monopolizer. Luckily there are only two of them or it could come to blows. That wouldn’t be good. But seriously, I don’t know what we’re going to do while they’re in town, but it will be nice to see them. Sometimes living a couple thousand miles away from your parents really stinks.

I’ve just re-read this post. It isn’t really that clever or informative. But it fills the space. Here’s a song from Finger Eleven. It’s called Paralyzer.

Shout Out: Double Feature

2007-10-11T10:32:00.000-04:00

It’s been a while since one of my world-renowned Shout Outs has made the blog – nearly 7 months. It’s time for another. This is going to be a dual S.O. (that’s what they call the Shout Out on the street), which would make this post SO-SO…basically like all the rest of this blog, minus the uppercase.

First S.O. goes to a fella we like to call F-Rock or Frocker. Forrest, the last of the brothers before the break (aka Rachell) and probably the sib who’s received the least amount of love on this blog. Not because it doesn’t exist, but just because he was away serving the Lord in a little place call Brazil for a significant portion of Cyber Commorancy’s existence.

My first vivid memory of Forrest was when Mom brought him to the elementary school for “Show & Tell” in my kindergarten class shortly after his birth. We called him Daniel then and for the first little bit of his life because Forrest sounded too old for a baby; while I don’t remember when the change took place, it wasn’t late enough for him to avoid having his chops busted in elementary school with the phrase “Run Forrest, run!” (To this day my mom hates that movie for that reason.) If memory serves correctly, Forrest let someone have it with a shot to the face after one such teasing and as such it stopped.

So, Frocker, here’s my tribute to you. While we have been separated by time, space and hair density for a large part of our lives, it doesn’t change the fact I’m a big fan. To the bond only brothers can have, the soon-to-be Forrest Roberts family and of course your b-day 22 years ago.

Now if you don’t think this F-Rock is the greatest F-Rock ever, I will fight you. That’s no lie.

Who is the second S.O. to? I’ll answer your question with a question:

I can look down on the world while being rooted firmly in it;
You may find yourself riding me if you make the team but aren’t good.

(I’m sorry. We needed that in the form of a question. We’d have accepted “What is pine” or ‘Who is Pyne”.)
I’ve always been a fan of both Greg and Melissa – Melissa for her unassuming kindness and generosity, Greg for his Halo skillz (that’s right, with a ‘z’), uncanny resemblance to Dr. Jack Shepard and ability to grow facial hair seemingly on demand.

Recently Greg and Mel have been uber-generous with their time and efforts with Lydia’s arrival in our family. Every week they come to visit us – the first time was at the hospital and for the past two weeks they’ve come to our apartment with dinner; afterwards Melissa watches Lydia so Paula can sleep; Greg helps me play Halo3. Last night was a particularly impressive effort as they stayed until 1am. This is no small thing as they live 40+ miles away. As those who've had children know, having someone come and allow you rest is invaluable. Cuz if momma don’t get her sleep than momma ain’t happy and if momma ain’t happy…dang.

So, Pyne family, here’s to you – to The Big Chill weekend in Augusta, the gin incident at Carrabbas, being addicted to Lost and to friends who are always there when you need them.

Homeward bound

2007-10-08T18:30:00.000-04:00

Hey friends! Greetings from the study/baby's room of our apartment. The little one is enjoying a delicious feast of...milk. So I got a little time to mention the going-ons of the family.

First, please note the links at the top of the left hand column of the blog (the right hand side if you're looking at the screen from behind it) as there are some links to some radio stations I've built on a little thing called Pandora. I blogged about it a while back. Anyway, if you are at work or at school or at home or the market (probably not the market;I just through that in there because saying 'the market' is sort of fun) you can come to my blog, click on one of the stations and automatically enjoy some tunes. My preferred station is Stroke 9 Radio; Breaking Benjamin is a bit aggressive; Jack Johnson is laid back; Phantom Planet is punk; Bother is...different.

Next up is a picture of Lydia. I was going to leave it to Paula to post pic's of our little girl on her page, but evidently she's too 'busy' with feeding and changing and bathing and cleaning and cooking and errands and regaining strength after childbirth...apparently this is 'time consuming' and 'requires a lot of time'. Also, Rachell left a comment demanding more pics of her niece and since I like my sister more than that boy from South Jordan does, I'm going to oblige her. Anyway, I think Lydia's still really cute. Her skin is adjusting to, well, air. This is causing her to breakout a little bit, but that doesn't phase me.

It still boggles my mind how little she is. I don't realize it because I hold her so close and have my face right next to her all the time that it seems she's bigger than she actually is. One of the reasons I'm including these two shots is because it reminds me how tiny she is. (you can click on the picture so you can see more of her and less of me. I'd suggest that). I mean, look at my hand in this first picture! it covers her whole body. Crazy. She's so precious to me that even after three short weeks of having her in our family I don't know what I'd do without her. It's mind-bottling, everything about it. Going to work is pretty much the worst and if it wouldn't ruin her sleeping habits I'd have her sleep on my chest all the time. Being a dad pretty much rocks.

Finally, I'm happy to report that we are going to be home owners! Sure enough. I think I may have mentioned it in a previous post, but we had bid on a bank-owned home and were outbid. We were surprised because there's some work that needs to be done and in today's market I thought we'd made a reasonable offer. Well, apparently the jokers who outbid us were all bark and no bite. Two Friday's ago our agent told us the contract had fallen through; we resubmitted our original offer and the back countered at just $2500 more than our offer. So we pulled the trigger and just got the contract today. After a home inspection we're off to the races. The lender we are going with said he can have this closed in 2 weeks, so just like that we'll be out of this apartment and into a house. We are excited to get out of this complex; our neighbors are new on a regular basis because the previous tenants find themselves evicted. So...we don't exactly associate with the creme de la creme of society.
It's hard to believe we're at this point. I was IM'ing the Nerf the other day and he said "Who would have thought two years ago when you were unemployed, single and driving the Buck that you'd have a job, be married with a kid and owning a home? At best I thought you'd be a single father in an apartment." He's always been a builder....but seriously, I appreciated the hilarity of that zinger. I laughed out loud and shared it with Paula. But there's some truth to my brother's pithy comment - life goes by really quick. And I have nothing profound to compliment that obvious statement. It is what it is. Enjoy the pics and descriptive captions...

Here's the front

What you seen when you walk in

From the kitchen. A 42" flat screen needs to go above the mantle

From the living room to the kitchen

The back yard and such.

Week in Review

2007-09-30T09:26:00.000-04:00

I’ll tell you what – it’s been one of those weeks. In a good way. Nothing incredibly profound or extraordinary, like winning a million dollars or having all the Dems experience an enlightening and turn from their path to socialism, but good nonetheless.

First, and perhaps most importantly I finished the fight. Master Chief (Spartan 117) again defied fate and saved Earth and the universe from the sinister parasite Gravemind and the delude Covenant. It wasn't easy and there were casualties everywhere - like my sleep. But freedom isn't free. Nor is it won without sacrifice.
I’d like to thank those that made this possible. First my wife for allowing me to dabble in silly things like video games and loving me anyway; my well exercised thumbs for the nimbleness and cat-like reflexes on the analog controller; Microsoft, for their aggressive and dominating marketing that hooked me; Archie, Zach and Nathan for countless hours of mayhem; and my new partner in Xboxing, my daughter Lydia.

Second, the Cougars of BYU pulled off a road win. This is no little task, especially since BYU is located in Utah and the state was 0-11 in road games this year until last night. I didn’t realize that New Mexico was 4-0 going into the game and that it was their homecoming, so this win is a little more impressive than it normally would. I’ve determined that we’re just a young team and as such, prone to some nervous mistakes. That’s good news for the future. Lydia was especially excited with the win, as evidenced by her wide-eyed, floppy headed gaze into the heavens and the fact she wanted me to enjoy her pacifier for her.
Editor's Note: The awesome BYU onesie is from the Sucher family. In the words of my wife's forebearers - Muchos Gracias.

Next, the season premier of The Office was this week. Not only would this normally be awesome, but the fact it was an hour long episode was icing on an already amazing cake. Three more weeks of hour long episodes...need I say more?

Also, I got a notice from Equifax that my credit score went up and it changes the rate at which I’d get a mortgage. I don’t understand this whole credit score thing and after reading up multiple times on it, I don’t think anyone does. There’s no clear cut criterion for what makes your FICO score what it is; my speculation is that credit scores were created the same way the doctrine of modern day Christianity was at Nicene: some one in charge who knew nothing about credit got together a bunch of accountants and told them to come up with some number system, though none of them really agreed about the body, parts or passions of the score. But it was the best they could do.
The reason I say this is because I have 0 (zero) debt of any kind. None. I carry no balances on any of my credit cards. I have 1 (one) delinquency notice three years ago on a Kohl’s card I didn’t know I had, but it’s only a month over due. But people with car payments and student loans and such have a better score than I do. Doesn’t make sense.

Anyway, the reason this is good news is because the house we had made a bid on a couple months back and lost on is available again. The contract fell through the seller agent called our agent and told her even before the contract was terminated that she thought it would and we should be ready to offer again. So we did on Friday. Who knows – I could be a home owner soon. Weird and wild stuff. Married with a kid and owning a home. I feel so established. And grown up.

Good thing I have an Xbox to clearly illustrate I’m not.

Finishing the Fight

2007-09-25T10:11:00.000-04:00

Obligatory Baby Update: Lydia is doing well, just eating sleeping and soiling diapers. Not a bad gig, you know? She had an appointment with the pediatrician Monday and got a clean bill of health. In fact, she's gained two ounces since we brought her home last Thursday. Today she's a week old and as beautiful as ever (maybe more so). Half of my sleep deprivation comes at my own expense, wanting to hold her and look at her instead of actually getting sleep like I should. Oh well. Sleep will be there when I'm old and gumming up my food; my baby girl is only a baby for a little bit.

Well, today is the day. Master Chief is back to take on the Covenant horde, this time on Earth, in the final installment of the Halo Trilogy. I'm pretty excited about it and plan on picking up my copy on the way home from work today. I may even splurge and go with the Legendary Edition for an extra $15.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about the Halo Trilogy except that it revolutionized gaming and has a rich and compelling story line. (For those who want to learn more or if you lady's would like to read up and impress the men in your life with your intimate knowledge of the storyline, check it out here for an overview. Don't be afraid to click on some links to learn more.) And, like everything, it's exciting to have some kind of closure. Basically, without Halo 3 it would be like JK Rowling never penning HP and the Deathly Hallows - it would be frustrating and agonizing.

For those who say "What's the big deal?" let me throw some knowledge your way. The original Halo came was and is considered one of the greatest video games of all time and put the Microsoft gaming industry on the map, positioning it in the running with Sony and Nintendo. Halo 2 racked up $125 million in sales within the first 24 hours of its release; prior to the release today, there were well over 1 million pre-ordered copies of the game. The first two games have sold over 15 million copies worldwide since the original release in 2001. Even the stock market has reacted to the release of H3, with Microsoft stock rising 3.35 percent at one point.

Yes, Halo is just a video game. No, it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. But either do shoe styles. Or trendy clothing. Or Harry Potter. (That sudden drop in oxygen levels are Pottheads everywhere gasping in dismay.) Or anything related to Hollywood and their ilk. It's simply a welcome distraction to the mundane; a guilty pleasure like Double Stuffed Oreo's and a glass of whole milk.
Except without the fat and calories and regret...and you save the world.

This first video is a teaser trailer. Very exciting.

This video is also a teaser trailer. More exciting.

This is a unique trailer done with a still frame diorama. Different and cool. Interact here.

Halo 3 - Believe 90 Second TV Spot

Cyber Commorancy Exclusive!

2007-09-19T09:50:00.001-04:00

This is an exclusive for the viewers of my blog.

I know most folks will be looking at Paula's page for some pics and that her page will be the one filled with Lydia in the future, so I thought I'd give you faithful readers of Cyber Commorency a sneak peek. (Look quickly because once Paula finds out I haven't put any pics on her blog I'll be in trouble.)

Yesterday afternoon at 1:23pm, Lydia Roberts came into the world weighing 7 lbs. 15 oz.; she measured 19 inches and is sporting a full head of dark hair. I think she is gorgeous, though I am admittedly bias. But she has no bruising or smashed nose, is quiet as can be and loves sleep more than food.

Paula is recovering well. Though I loved her before Lydia, I love her even more now after seeing what she went through - what she was willing to go through - to bring our daughter into this world.

Anyway, I'll be sure to post with some deep and profound thoughts that will forever alter the view of childbirth in the 21st century (tongue firmly implanted in cheek) later on after I've had a chance to digest everything. But wisdom later, pics now

Immediately after Lydia was born - like 2 minutes. I was running around with a camera in one hand and blood on the other from the umbilical chord. It was a mad scene.

Grandma Kilgore with little Lydia. Paul and Julia came by about 1/2 hour before Lydia was born, so they were back in the room an hour later (Paula only pushed for maybe 15 minutes.)

Here I am. I'm going with the severe head tilt and look a bit like an idiot. Oh well. If you know me, I'm not one to get all excited and giddy (we all know my view on the over use of exclamation points) but I was running around like a decapitated chicken. What do you do?

Here's Lydia (right) with her cousin Juliana (left, obviously) a couple hours after the birth. Lydia was due on the 9th, Juliana the twenty....third? or twenty-second? but came last week on the 10th. They're almost the exact same size (L=7 15, 19in;J=8, 18in) with almost the same birthday. Weird, wild stuff.

Here's Paula this morning, about 17 hours after the birth of the little one. Like I said, Paula has become one of the people I most admire after seeing what she did. Incredible. They're a good looking pair. Heckagood looking.

Just stuff

2007-09-06T13:12:00.000-04:00

What’s crappenin? Huh. Evidently spell check isn’t working because it has accepted ‘crappenin’ as a word. Maybe the world has come to accept ‘crappenin’ as a legitimate part of the English language. Just another word or phrase that got its roots from the halls of Pine View in good ol’ Rexburg. It’s nice to see the world is coming around. Better late than never…

Anyway, that got me off on a tangent. Weird. What I wanted to do was start out by thanking everyone from their outpouring of support for the mighty Cougars. Six comments! That’s the most since the post about maiming…er, piercing…Lydia’s ears (7 comments) and equal to the cumulative total of the previous five posts. So, to all you who commented – the faithful, the converted, the investigator and casual observer – I, along with Bronco, would like to thank you for the outpouring of support. It was not in vain as our beloved Cougs laid a thumping on the UA Wildcats, grabbing an opening day win and setting the tone for the season. Check out Cougarfan.com for all the coverage. This week we’re taking on UCLA, ranked 13/14 in the nation and picked to finish 3^rd in the Pac-10. I’m hoping for a win – especially after App. State laid the wood to Michigan at The Big House in Ann Arbor – but will settle for a close game.

Last week, Forrest and Rachell carried the load in Provo and will continue to do so for all home games. The Nerf is going to be in attendance, so he has proudly and courageously volunteered to harness everyone’s faith and bring it to the game. Cousin Ben Scoresby from the Allred side of the fam is making a road trip for the Tulsa game, so we got that covered. We just need reps at New Mexico, UNLV, Wyoming and SDSU. Please let me know what you can make so we know where who to harness our positive thoughts through. Thanks.

Out here in GA things are moving right along. We didn’t get the house we had bid on, so we’re back in the hunt. It was a bummer to not get the house, but since there are 107,000+ houses for sale in the Atlanta area, I think we’ll be fine.

Lydia’s on her way. She’s due on Sunday, the 9^th. It’s crazy to think about, that she’ll actually be here. Paula had a check up on Tuesday and was dilated to a 1. I don’t know if that’s TMI, but whatever. She was wish she was farther along and was bemoaning the fact the baby would never come. I assured her that I was quite confident it would; don’t know why, but that didn’t go over well. Apparently she knew that, but it just feels like the baby is never going to come. So anyway, we are still anxiously awaiting little Lydia’s arrival. We have everything we need – I surprised Paula with the travel system purchase last week and we have over 300 diapers at our place. I’m going to make a point to bring my computer to the hospital when the time comes so we can get picture up ASAP. I’m thinking of posting a live video feed of the birth. I kid! I kid!

That’s about it. Hopefully next week I can come to you with another Cougar win and pictures of my daughter.

It’s weird to say that.

Hmmm.

Bleeding Blue

2007-08-28T12:01:00.000-04:00

College football approaches. Of more import than the dawn of that day are the blue and white rays of light that lie just over the horizon, stretching forth from amidst majestic mountains. There’s an excitement stirring deep within my soul – an excitement surpassed only by the anticipation of my daughter’s birth. I can say in no uncertain terms the expectation of a 5:30pm Eastern kickoff time is more palpable to me, more electrifying to me than the prospect of the bid we currently have on a house. Why?

I love my God. I love my wife. I love my country. And I love BYU Cougar Football.

I am truly a son of BYU, born in Provo, Utah to two young parents struggling to raise and support a family while there pursing a higher education; 20 aunts and uncles, 16 cousins, 2 grandparents, and four siblings have attended the school. I grew up in Wyoming a BYU fan and was subjugated to not only mockery, hostility and literal threats because of my love for the Cougars of BYU, but of my religious convictions because of this association. But never have I faltered; never have I wavered; never have I shirked from the responsibility of cheering for my team.

Now I live in the South, where college football is second to none. Coaches are paid a king's ransom to win games and a bowl system is designed to ensure a continual monetary supply. Here the ridicule is the same as my youth, though instead of stones slung by the pauper, I am accosted by the prince. I face ridicule from the proud and haughty hosts that mock the efforts of a successful team in a ‘mid-major’ conference. Little defense have I against the deluge of jibes and taunts of those who have amassed so much prestige and honor through years of on-field success and accolades; yet, even in the midst of such sneering and laughing I am not ashamed. Instead I stand tall, proud to be an ambassador for the Cougars. I am not ashamed because of what my team stands for, what they’re expected to be not only on the playing field, but in life.

Success on the playing field is not enough for the true Cougar fan. A perfect record, a flawless season, a radiant trophy, prestige and recognition…as wonderful and sought after as these honors are, they are but dross – hollow, weak, rubbish – without the commitment to a higher purpose that is required of those who come to compete at BYU. I can, without equivocation, boldly state that the student-athletes of BYU are held to the highest standard of moral, scholastic and athletic character than any other NCAA team in the United States of America.

Could any team that has won a national championship in the past 10 years even come remotely close if it were to ask its student-athletes to actually be student-athletes? Could any one team in the SEC compete with the others if it required its athletes to abstain from alcohol, tobacco, drugs and pre-marital sex? The answer is a resounding and emphatic no.

Give me men of honor, of integrity and of principle. Give me men who will contribute to society in a positive manner. Give me men who are not the greatest of athletes but are the greatest of men. Give me men who the world deems as sub par and inferior that continually exceed expectations while holding fast to principles that make men real men.

This is why I love it. This is why it is honestly more than a game. This is why I get so involved and invested in the successes and failures of this team. This is because no other team, at no other university, teaches such a powerful life lesson, a lesson that is needed more now that at any other time in the history of our nation, our world. That lesson is this:

Who you are matters. What you do outside of the window of public view matters. Actions in private have repercussions in public. It is not sufficient to be glamorous and eye-catching in the moment; it is paramount to be solid and grounded in character. Actions have consequences…always there are consequences. Success in the world is fleeting and can be swept away without a firm foundation. No prestige and honor can compensate for the lack of moral fortitude. As history old and new continues to make clear, when there is no conviction of character, surely follows conviction of a more sordid sort.

I want my football team to be men - real men, men of character who pursue perfection on and off the field. As a Cougar fan, one is not acceptable without the other. But if ever one must suffer, let it be the former; for without the it, accolades of the latter are simply hollow victories forgotten in time, helpless and without power to inspire greatness.

Give me substance.

Give me BYU Football.

(Transcript from the above link):

Today…is your defining moment. Expectations are extremely high, but you knew that before you set foot on this campus; before you signed the honor code; before you put on your first BYU shirt. We have a tradition unlike any other. Those who have gone before us are the giants upon whose shoulders we now stand. There’ll be no sitting on the sidelines. No waiting for somebody else to make to happen…and there will be no compromises. What I’m asking for…is for your performance today to come from a deeper place. No matter how hard, no matter how tough, you are expected to make a difference. There is no other way here, other than greatness, and now it’s your time to perform. My question to you is are you ready? Today are you ready? Are you at your best?

Because once you leave this room people are counting on you. They’re counting on you to be great. They’re counting on you to be great. And they’re counting on you to do all the things you’re supposed to do as a representative of BYU.

Please never forget why you’re here. Never forget who you are. And never forget – so much…so much depends on what you do today.

Proud product of Public Schools

2007-08-27T11:37:00.000-04:00

Okay. The tragic hilarity of this is indescribable. This contestant from South Carolina in the Miss Teen USA pageant was asked a simple question. And she Finkled it. Totally and unequivocally destroyed it. To me the best part is Mario Lopez (the host) trying not to bust out laughing.

If you can't understand what she said, here's the transcript.

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

I'm not sure home school is the answer; however, I hear people mocking the kids who are home schooled as socially inept. This Lauren Caitlin Upton is making a strong case that the most damaged come from our lovely government sponsored schools. Good thing she aspires to be a model when grows up.

"Everybody Knows...

2007-08-23T20:14:00.000-04:00

The world is full of stupid people..." - The Refreshments, Banditos

I am so tired of the mentality that permeates society regarding actions and consequence. Just now I was watching ABC News – one of the only major network news broadcasts I can stomach – and there was a report on the mortgage crisis in our country. A couple people were highlighted who are experiencing the crunch because they got into a mortgage that was way over their head. One lady started crying because the bank told her a couple days before Christmas that the home was going into foreclosure. Some wacko in a bright yellow t-shirt said “The mortgage company got us in this situation and they need to get us out of it.”

Here in Atlanta we’ve been dealing with the Mike Vick situation. For those of you who don’t keep up with news, Vick has agreed to plea out to charges that include dog fighting (illegal), gambling (illegal), cruelty to animals (illegal), and other (illegal) conduct. There’s a stink being raised in some corners that it’s not fair Vick be subjected to these charges because people have done worse and the government is out to make an example of someone and this poor, misunderstood athlete with a $130 million contract is the victim of or prejudice society. Additionally, the Atlanta chapter of the NAACP has said that Mike Vick deserves a chance to play in the NFL after he serves his time.

Of course the illegal immigration issue rages one. Somehow it is the heartless, unwelcoming rich people that don’t want the illegal immigrants here; if the Statue of Liberty could cry she would because we are turning away so many poor and needy people. The same people who taxpayers foot the bill for when they become sick, when they have babies, when they need food.

AARRGGHHH!!!!!!

I’ve had it up to here (since you can’t see, I’m pointing to my receding hairline) with the sob stories of individuals who chose to engage in high risk behavior and then when it’s time to pay the piper, they through themselves a pity party and wonder why they are being picked on.

With the mortgage issues: Don’t blame the mortgage company because you decided to go with an ARM or an Interest-Only loan and now you can’t afford it. Is it the mortgage company’s fault you bit off more than you could chew? It’s not like it’s your house. If you had to borrow the money to buy the house, it isn’t yours. Live in an apartment; try a smaller house; it’s so awful you can’t live where all the ‘cool’ (outrageously in debt) people live next to the trendy shops you can’t afford. If you can’t afford it, DON’T BUY IT! Show some self-discipline and go with out. The mortgage company is a COMPANY. They are out to make MONEY. The only reason they care if you get a house is because it means that agent can bring home some cash so he can pay his own mortgage.

The Vick debacle: What Mike did was ILLEGAL. Have people done worse and not gone to the slammer (Ray Lewis – watched two people get killed and did nothing; Leonard Little – killed some folks while driving drunk; OJ Simpson – well, you know this one)? Sure. Does it change the fact Mike associated with the dregs of society, financed them and broke the law? No. And it’s not Vick’s right to play in the NFL again. The NFL is a business, a multi-billion dollar organization. Like any business, it’s their prerogative to decide who will be best able to further their enterprise. I don’t care if Vick plays again. If some owner wants to take that on, that’s his choice; but it’s not some obligation they should have. If I owned a business and someone told me I had to hire an individual that would damage my image, I’d kindly show them the door.

Illegal Immigration: For me it’s so much more than the financial or economic ramifications of illegal immigration. Tell the 3000+ people who lost their lives on 9/11 that illegal immigration is okay and their no threat to our nation. There’s no hating on Hispanics – those who make up the majority of illegal immigrants in the US – with this. It’s about security. There are people out there – and thanks to our porous borders and jacked up system, in here – who wouldn’t hesitate to do you or I harm simply because we were born in the US and we support the Constitution. The Fort Dix Six are the perfect example of illegal immigration problems. The unwed teenage mothers at the high school Paula taught at who go to the clinic to have the baby they can’t afford…who foots the bill? You and I.

The fact of the matter is all men aren’t created equal. Sorry. They aren’t. Some people are attractive, some are ugly; some are fat, some are skinny, some are perfect; some are intelligent, some are dumb as rocks; some people are lazy, some people work hard; some people have handicaps, some don’t; some people are rich, some are poor. It’s the way it goes.

That being said, everyone starts out with the right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. That doesn’t mean it’s our inalienable right to be happy; it means we all – short or tall, dumb or smart, rich or poor – have the right to pursue what is called happiness. It doesn’t mean you get it. It doesn’t mean that despite participating in illegal activities, making foolish choices or leaching off the system we still get to be happy. It doesn’t even mean that because we are good, hard-working, upstanding people trying as hard as we can that we’ll be happy. Happy is a state of being, not a position or pay scale. Sometimes life is just a kick in the pants. My hat is off to those who obey the law, build up people and society and still don’t have everything they want but choose to be happy rather than play the blame game.

That’s all. I’m done. I’m apologizing in advance for any grammatical errors as this was written in the height of emotion.

I blame Microsoft for not having a better grammar and spell check.

Bill Gates started this problem and he needs to fix it.

Because I love my sister...

2007-08-15T16:20:00.001-04:00

...I'm doing this. I try not to participate in silly things like mass email, chain letters, liberal media, the Disney Channel, etc…That being said, I have seriously contemplated whether or not to do this list thing – mostly because I’ve only seen it done by girls. Of course, I don’t see a lot of blogs being maintained by guys. So…since my sister Rachell tagged me, I’ve decided to go on ahead and do it.

4 jobs I've had:
1. ING
2. Dome Builder
3. Sports Writer
4. PR Specialist @ BYU-Idaho

4 movies I can watch over and over:
1. Casino Royal
2. Band of Brothers
3. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
4. Transformers

4 Favorite TV shows:
1. LOST
2. The Office
3. Seinfeld
4. Friday Night Lights

4 favorite hobbies:

1. Playing Halo2 with the fellas
2. Writing
3. College football
4. Destroying the fellas at Halo2. A little story regarding this:
Arch, Zach, Zach's bro-in-law Bud and I were playing Halo2 on Saturday. It was fun - we were killing each other, calling each other names, etc... Well, we played some teams and Bud and I were working Zach and Arch; naturally they were throwing out insults questioning my sexuality. Anyway, we decided to go Them (Arch, Zach and Bud) vs Me (Logan). I won them all, with an average score of Me 25, Them 8. And yes, there was a lot more name calling.

4 Places I have lived:

1. Atlanta
2. Nashville
3. St. Croix
4. Sacramento

4 Favorite Foods:
1. Steak
2. Sushi
3. Halibut w/ a side of asparagus
4. Fried Artichoke Dip

4 Places I would rather be right now:
1. Easy Street
2. Out West
3. The Caribbean
4. Austria

4 Websites I check daily:
1. Cougarfan.com
2. gmail.com
3. Foxnews.com
4. Bank of America

I tag:
1. Nathan
2. Archie
3. Zach
4. Ben

Bourne Again

2007-08-10T12:59:00.000-04:00

Hey friends! (The obligatory exclamation point due to the fact it’s Friday.)
Well, what to talk about….how about the Bourne Ultimatum? It was awesome. Seriously, the best of the series. Paula and I went last Saturday with a fairly large contingent of folks (Baltich clan, Sorensen’s, Crowley’s, Javier and his wife) and everyone enjoyed it. So there – if you haven’t seen it, I definitely recommend it. I also recommend Stranger than Fiction as a movie with an incredibly original story line and some incredibly dry and witty humor. In fact, I’d dare call it humour with a ‘U’. It’s not your normal Will Ferrell, but there’s nothing wrong with that either. Anyway, worth the money.
Last Saturday Paula had a baby shower. I went because Greg was going to be alone with a bunch of women (Melissa was hosting) so we played some pool and played G.O.W on the 100+ inch screen in the theater room. It was awesome, to say the least. When I make my millions, I’m going to have theater room, nay, a Theatre Room. And it will be glorious. Paula would (will) probably be a little disappointed when I still like to play video games at the age of 40, but it is what it is.

On the post after the reunion, the question was asked regarding the little flab reduction contest the Nerf and I engaged in. While, there was no official weigh-in, it was determined I was victorious. That's right, I'm #1. Boo-yah. So there's the answer. But seriously, we both looked better than when the challenge was made, so props to us both. But more to me. I bring this up at this juncture becausce weighed myself at Greg and Melissa's. We don't have a scale at our place (good thing, or I'd be even more anorexic) so this is the place I check my weight. Well, I've lost 17 pounds since engaging in this endeavor. So that's the update. It's not that I'm skinny now, I was just a chunk before.

Anyway, back to the shower. People really went above and beyond at this baby shower. I gotta say, when Paula told me – as I was caught up the gall of bitterness and misery at how much having this baby was going to cost - that we’d get some gifts and stuff from ‘baby showers’, I was confused because I though babies were supposed to be bathed, not showered. Then she explained that the shower is with gifts, which made me more concerned because babies are small and helpless and how could all these people feel right lobbing packages as a baby…but, apparently this is a figurative expression of people giving gifts in celebration and anticipation of the child being born. Then I was excited…and felt a little dumb.

On a serious note, people were extremely generous and even though Paula sent Thank You notes the next day, I just want express my appreciation as well for the thoughtful and generous nature of our friends. I’d never been so happy to have so much pink in my home. As some (my wife, in-laws, associates, Fraternal Order of Police, etc…) can attest, I am a hard-headed and cheap (I prefer ‘frugal’ or ‘conservative’ or ‘thrifty’ or ‘fiscally forward-thinking’ or ‘wise steward’); items of large expense can make me nervous (even the little white box of joy caused me a fair amount of anxiety). So, again, thanks for everything.
That was last weekend. This week has been fairly uneventful – some house hunting, which we will resume tomorrow with our realtor Rena. She’s a great realtor, so if any of you are looking for a home, I’m happy to recommend her as Dave did for us. Paula is going to some bar tomorrow night for a bridal thing for an acquaintance/friend of hers. Normally I’d be a little nervous about the whole thing…that she’d fall off the wagon… again…but she’s been pretty responsible with the baby. The hard liquor has been replaced with milkshakes, so the lesser of two evils.
Well, I’ve fired up the rumor mill. Now people will think my wife is a raging alcoholic. What do you do? In the spirit of David Webb (aka Jason Bourne) I leave you with the words of the great poet Moby:

Countdown to Kickoff

2007-08-06T13:26:00.000-04:00

Rise and shout, Cougar Fans! Fall practice has begun, which means it's time to officially get excited about another season of college football. Don't get me wrong, I've been actively engaged in follow the new commits, projected starters, predictions, players breaking the law and it being front page material, though none of it would have made the news at any other school. But the start of fall practice really means it's just around the corner.
Here are a couple links to get you up to speed on this years campaign:

Cougarfan.com - This picks up stories from sources around the nation (mostly Utah) about what is going on with the Cougs. Love it, need it.
Highlight Vids - This awesome site gives whets your appetite for some more football. I try to watch one or two a week, just to keep my senses sharp. Good for down time at home, the office, church, dentist, doctor, delivery room...
Total Blue Sports - This is part of Scout.com; gives some more in depth coverage of your defending MWC champs and holders of the 2nd longest winning streak in the NCAA.
Chat - This site lets you chat it up with other BYU fans and a fair number of anti-BYU folks. Always good for a scoop, but make sure you have the salt shaker near
Official Homepage - This is the official site of BYU Football. Good stuff, including links to purchase some excellent BYU paraphenalia.

If any of you tried and true, Cougar Blue, thru and thru fans have other websites you'd like to give me, let me know and I'll add them to the list and give you credit for the find.

Rise all loyal Cougars and hurl your challenge to the foe.
You will fight, day or night, rain or snow.
Loyal, strong, and true
Wear the white and blue.
While we sing, get set to spring.
Come on Cougars it's up to you. Oh!

CHORUS:

Rise and shout, the Cougars are out
along the trail to fame and glory.
Rise and shout, our cheers will ring out
As you unfold your victr'y story.

On you go to vanquish the foe for Alma Mater's sons and daughters.
As we join in song, in praise of you, our faith is strong.
We'll raise our colors high in the blue
And cheer our Cougars of BYU.

July 2007

2007-08-01T11:14:00.000-04:00

It’s not that a lot hasn’t happened since the 4th of July post, it’s just that I haven’t written anything. But now I’d like to remedy that.
Things are going well, just plugging along. Not much really – just a baby due in the next 4-5 weeks, making offers on houses, spending a few days in the wilds of North Dakota, seeing a brother who’s been out of the country for a couple years, getting more and more busy at work, counting down the days until college football is back (T-minus 31) – basically what everyone else is doing.
We found a house the other day and were actually making an offer, but missed the cut by about 2 hours. It was really nice – a 2200 sq ft foreclosure going from $149k. All it needed was a paint job and a carpet, but we just missed it. The paperwork was out, I had my offer in my hand and 25 Tums in my stomach, but we missed it. But, with all the idiots out there with interest-only, adjustable rate mortgages buying more than they can afford, I’m supremely confident we’ll find one soon. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life it is that the short school bus is always overflowing with fools and I can benefit from their mistakes. Selfish? Opportunistic? Cynical? Maybe. But it’ll get e a good deal on a house.
We spent some time in northern North Dakota (Grand Forks) the other week with my maternal side of the family. The Allred clan is large – my mother is one of 9 siblings, I am one of 55-60 grandkids – and it was a bit different for Paula, who comes from a very small extended family. But she embraced our right-wing oddities and we had a good time. Forrest was there, having just returned from two years of missionary services in south Brazil. He looked good, despite the fact his hair decided not to return stateside with him. What do you do? But it was good to see him, to catch up with him and the rest of my family. On a serious note, I feel extremely lucky to have such a strong bond with my siblings and parents. While I’m not daft enough to think we don’t have differences, I know that I am always excited to see them, that they love me in spite of myself and support me, even if they disagree.
Paula’s large and in charge. I’ll probably get a look for saying that, but Lydia’s growing and hence is Paula. But she’s a good looking pregnant woman and though her body weight as increased by 20% in this pregnancy, she still only weighs 135 pounds. I weighed that once, 14 years ago. I’m pretty much ready to do this. The anticipation is killing me. K-I-L-L-I-N-G me. (It’d be embarrassing if I spelled that wrong.) We went to a birthing class last month – 8 hours, 1 day – and I took it pretty well. Sure, I saw things I hoped I’d never see, was told things I hoped I’d never know, learned things I hoped I’d never learn. But I am grateful for one thing: the epidural. I don’t want to feel a thing.
And finally, BYU plays Arizona on September 1st. 31 days. That’s no time at all. I could save enough for a John Edwards haircut. Some might think that I’m more excited for football season than Lydia’s birth. I just laugh.

The 4th, as related on the 9th.

2007-07-09T11:12:00.000-04:00

Hope everyone had a great 4^th of July. I did. And that’s what I’m going to post about. Plus some random and sundry things.
On this great day we celebrate our independence from the tyranny and oppressive rule of a powerful regime. Out numbered, with inferior weapons and only thedesire to live free, our forebearers were able to fight against these terrible odds and destroy those aliens thanks to the bold plan of the Fresh Prince and doctor from Jurassic Park. They fearlessly infiltrated the mother ship and planted a virus with an Apple computer that miraculously destroyed this advanced, space traveling horde.
Anyway, enough history – time for the present.
On this Independence Day, I celebrated my independence from work by playing all day. In the morning, I hit up Transformers with Jeff and Eric. It was awesome – I mean, it’s not going to win any awards (unless there’s a category for “Best Picture That Brings Out The Boy In Every Man”, then it would definitely win). Optimus Prime was one cool machine/alien life-form. And any film with Jon Voight is destined for immortality.
That little party ended around Noon:30 and Paula and I made the trek down south to spend the day in Conyers at the Pyne residence with friends and family. It was really something else, a non-stop foray into fun.First, the weather was really enjoyable for July in Georgia – relatively low humidity, high 80s, low 90s and the shade felt actually felt good – so it opened up a whole other avenue for enjoyment with a wide and versatile range of activities.
We started out with tossing around the ol’ pigskin in the backyard. Always a staple for a 4^th of July celebration. After working up a sweaty sheen, we went inside where a plethora of delicious foods tempted me from my course en route to a victory in the ILTMW Cup (more on that later) but I didn’t flinch. In fact, I didn’t have one cookie, desert, chip or dip the entire day. So eat that, chubby brother. But I did have a couple burgers and several ‘Zero’ beverages and that was sufficient for my needs.
After housing some food off the grill, several of us engaged in a little game called Bocce Ball. It’s a lot of fun and I am pleased to announce my team won a best-of-3 series. It was an intense battle and since it is played with circular objects of varying size and color, there were plenty of wise-cracking, semi-juvenile innuendos. And lots of laughs.
We took a quick beverage break, and then it was to the front yard for some intense Croquet action. I’m pretty sure more time was spent debating the validity of Mark’s ball position in relation to the wicket on the backside than actually was spent competing. As glorious as Bocce was, Croquet was inversely pathetic as few of us could get where we needed to be because we spent so much time trying to hit the other team’s ball into the next zip code. Good times.
Intermixed in these events was a little thing called Guitar Hero 2. For those of you who don’t know what this is, it’s like that Dance Revolution, but infinitely better and incredibly more difficult. And you don't use your feet for anything. And you're playing the guitar, not dancing. That’s about all I can say. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I struggled a bit, but managed to lay down a couple sweet tracks before the night was over.
As dusk settled in, it was time to light off some fireworks. Greg and I did the honors. And I almost died. Not really. Papa Cashman had dropped some coin for some less-than-legal fireworks and the came with this cylinder to shoot them out of. The looked like the grenades from Pirates of the Caribbean. It was awesome. Well, I dropped one in the tube and backed up. Then it didn’t leave the tube and the tube exploded in a dizzying array of color, fire and fear. Sort of ended the festivities, but it was fun.
Finally, the guys hooked up the 360’s to the plasma TV’s and engaged in some ferocious Halo 2 warfare until the wee morning hours – the perfect end to a perfect 4^th.

********

Regarding ILTMW (I Lost The Most Weight): I’m not going to divulge how much weight I’ve dropped because I don’t know how much my competition has shed; however, I must admit that from the pics posted on their blog, he’s looking slimmer. That binge and purge strategy really seems to be paying dividends...and the fact he’s spending some time at the beach – a good tan goes a long way. Having seen those photos, I’ve had to alter my strategy.
I have a delicious Diet Pill Cocktail for breakfast (TrimSpa, Ripped Fuel, Dexatrim, Cortaslim and Relacore blended together in a Metamucil/ExLax base), another for lunch and then a sensible dinner. Working wonders. I can tell because I’m constantly sweating and my resting heart rate is at 120.

I was going to post something nice about my competition, but I got this little quip in my email:

"This is your brother. The one with his manhood still who doesn't have a facebook account."

Initially, I was hurt by mocking comment regarding my masculinity; then remembered I challenged his manhood throughout college while he shaved his chest. Tit for tat. Or as in that hilarious exchange from The Office:

Dwight K. Schrute: Tit for tit.

Jim Halpert: That is not the expression.

Dwight: Well, it should be.

Playing Ketchup

2007-06-26T13:37:00.000-04:00

It’s been what? almost three weeks since I last posted? My bad. The fact of the matter is…and Paula always gets fired up when I say this because it sounds like we’re boring, but it is what it is….that not much is going on. But, out of respect for the 3 or 4 people – 10-15 if we address infant ear-piercing – who faithfully check this blog, I will post some random drivel.

Weekend Wanderings
The LP Roberts family’s free time has been largely invested in two things:

1.) Looking for a house
2.) Wondering how people ever afford a house

For the past two Saturdays, we’ve traversed Gwinnett County for a house we can afford not in a drug neighborhood. Easier said than done. You know its bad news when the houses you can afford are in areas where the others houses have eight cars parked in the driveway, on the lawn, on the street, in the flower garden, etc…and they hadn’t got the memo on the invention of a little device called a lawnmower. But, what do you do?
We’re confident we’ll find something decent and safe; I’m not looking for the Taj Mahal, but something a little bigger than the linen closet.

Walk of Shame
We did trek out to Conyers a couple Fridays ago to see the new residence of Greg and Melissa. I don’t have any pictures to post because I forgot my wide-angle lens…I kid! I kid! But, seriously folks, it’s a beautiful home and we had a good time. So good, in fact, that most who came out stayed up until 3:30am playing pool and singing karaoke. Even Paula (who is not known for her ability to stay up past 8:30pm) was up until almost 2:30 – I was so proud! The singing was abysmal, to say the least. They don’t make buckets large enough for me to carry a tune in, and Dave, Todd and Greg share in my disability. So I was in great company. Paula and I crashed in one of the guest rooms and rolled out the next morning, arriving home in the same clothes we left in. Apparently this is what is referred to as “the walk of shame” (returning the next day in your same clothes). I almost felt like I was young again. But then I had to take a nap, and I remembered I’m not.

Weighting For The Results
Nathan and I are engaged in a contest regarding our waistlines. To put it gently, Nathan’s really porked out. He’s huge. Pavarotti, if you want to know what happened to your pants, I saw them in Nerf’s closet. (I think they’ve stretched a bit, so just buy new ones.) Meantime, I’m pretty much packin’ the six-pack abs I always have, modeling for Men’s Health on the weekends. It’s a burden I bear, this perfect body. We all have our crosses…
Really though, Nathan’s not huge and I’m no fitness model, so we are seeing who can shed the most weight by the reunion at the end of July. Nathan mentioned the other day he’s employed a strategy of biking to work, softball, swimming in the ocean and puking after every meal; the strategy I’ve employed has different activities since I don’t have an ocean, bike and hate vomiting. I engage in intense gaming to break a good sweat (10 pushups per offensive score, 15 per defensive in NCAA Football 2007) and using laxatives to purge. I’ve been able to get through the first 4 Harry Potter books with this strategy. You can’t do that throwing up…

Another Face In The Crowd
Finally, I’m now on Facebook. I was trying to hold out (like a blog is somehow infinitely superior to a social networking site) but got a couple invites from old college friends, so since I wanted to see what they were up to, I joined. I think that was last week and now I’m getting ‘poked’ and having my ‘wall’ written on by tons (or dozens) of old college friends and friends of college friends. So, if you’re a Facebooker, let me know. If I don’t confirm you as my friend, it’s nothing personal.
I just don’t like you.

What A Trip, Man...

2007-06-07T16:10:00.000-04:00

Caveat: Some May Find This Post Objectionable.
This post contains a lot of pictures of a baby and is very long.
A week ago today I surprised the Nerf with a surprise visit to California. It was pretty much awesome since Lindsay and I conspired to keep it under wraps. We surprised him at work; he opened the back door of the car to see Beckett and found his big brother sitting there. It was like a MasterCard commercial:

"Round-trip ticket: $260. Hotdog: $14. Nathan’s expression: Priceless."

It was a great time in Beverly Hills/LA/West Hollywood/All-The-Other-Cities-That-Run-Together. It was the first personal time I’d taken in 2007 and served up the remedy I needed to the doldrums of everyday life. SoCal was great, primarily because of the incredible weather we enjoyed. The locals call it ‘June Gloom’ because it is grey and hazing until around 12-1pm; but then it just opens up to a beautiful mid-high 70’s with a wonderful ocean breeze. Basically, the weather rocks. I loved it. Someone offer me a job. As opposed to my lovely Atlanta residence where it’s mid 90’s with humidity and a breeze that feels awkwardly like an over-aggressive hand-dryer in the men’s room at the Citgo where people deal drugs and there are more adult magazines than alcohol-free beverages. But you’re out of gas and even though it’s a dollar more a gallon, you gotta put $5 in or you aren’t making it home…
I digress.
One of the highlights for me (and one of the main reasons I made the trek) was chillin’ with Beckett, the first of Roberts: The Next Generation. He took to me instantly and we had a great time, as evidenced by this video on their blog; it was awesome to see my brother – the one I fought with, played football and basketball with, roomed with and have competed with since I lost my exclusive rights on all attention at 16 months – interact as a father. Additionally, having been there within hours of the time Nathan and Lindsay met five years ago to now, it was fun to see them as parents. They do good work.
Anyway, I got there Thursday afternoon it wasn’t long until Nathan, Michael and I were playing Halo (I don’t care if you’re suddenly a parent or not – some things never change). Friday Lindsay, Beckett and I went to the mall, cruised around Beverly Hills and took in the sights. I’m not exactly sure if I was in Silicon Valley, but I was definitely in Silicone Valley. The 6 Millon Dollar Man had more human left in him than some of the women I saw.

Friday night we went over to dinner at Dan and Paula’s. This isn’t some fancy restaurant (though the filet mignon, baked potatoes, ice cream and endless flow of IBC root beer certainly would make you think so); rather, it’s Lindz’s uncle and aunt. They are awesome and we had some good times with them, their daughters Sam and Jules, and some friends Michelle and Peter. The have a beautiful home in the area fairly close to the ocean and I they were awesome hosts. Good times.

Once we got home, we played Halo till 1:30 in the AM. It never gets old.
Saturday we got a slow start due to the intense gaming session. Once everyone was up, we went down to Venice Beach to take in the crazies…oh, the ocean too…and all they have to offer. It was like Chinatown in NYC, except the peddlers were Hispanic and illegal instead of Chinese, the food was pizza and hotdogs instead of duck and egg rolls and the air smelled like the ocean instead of sewage and death. And I saw this guy strutting around in a man-thong. Big-G, little-Nasty - GNASTY (the G is silent).
Later that day Nerf and Linds went to the LA Temple for a session in the upper room in commemoration of the temple’s 50th anniversary and I watched Beckett. I fed him ice cream and soda and Swedish Fish and…oh, I forgot that’s all frowned upon for a 4 month old. Oh well, all’s well that end’s well.

Saturday night us grown-ups went to The Magic Castle. TMC is an exclusive club – I refer to it as the Augusta National of Magicians –you have to belong to or be invited to in order to gain entrance. Tie and jacket for the fellas, dress or suit for the ladies, was just up the road for Grauman’s Chinese Theatre and is indeed a castle. We made an appearance because Nathan’s company was having a shindig and it was awesome. There was some great food and amazing feats of magic. Seriously. It was incredible. As Nathan aptly pointed out, it would have been more comforting to think magic actually was happening as opposed to the fact these magicians were so quick with their slight of hand.
Also, I met a kid Nathan works with who can solve a Rubik’s Cube in 30 seconds. Tyson Mao was on the TV show “Beauty and the Geek” and is a celebrity of sorts. Tyson is a developer and writes the programming EWT uses for their trading; in fact, that’s how he can do the cube so fast: he created an algorithm by assigning numbers to colors on the cube. Crazy.

Sunday was church. It was cool because there was a kid there I went to college with. Wes and I lived in the same apartment complex for 3 years and were in the same ward for most of my post-mission collegiate experience. He’s married with a little one year old girl name Halle. So that was fun.
After church, we went to a park with the Eav family and us guys did a little lawn bowling. The parks there are awesome. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Suffice it to say as the rookie of the group, I didn’t grab any victories. I’m not bitter…stupid Bocce Ball!!!!!
Monday was my last day and Nathan worked a half day. I went on a walk with Linds and Beckett, Ashley and Arleigh, and Angie and Charles to the Post Office. It was a little weird as I was the only man with three women and three children in strollers, but when in Rome…

We grabbed a bite at Jack Sprat’s in memoriam of Rach and her days in LA. I had a delicious Mediterranean Quesadilla. Then we stopped by the mall to try to find me a shirt as all mine had spit-up all over them, courtesy of my awesome little nephew. But I didn’t find anything, so I just wore Nathan’s shirt home. It’s nice. I think I’ll keep it.
Anyway, that’s about it. We cruised down to the OC and I caught my flight at 8pm, arriving back in Hotlanta at 5am Tuesday morning. Good times. I sure miss the little guy (his parents too, but mostly the little guy…and working Nathan at Halo) and the weather, but such is life. I’m already excited to go back. In the words of Phantom Planet:

“Pedal to the floor
Thinkin' of the roar
Gotta get us to the shore
California here we come”

(I didn’t buy a $14 hotdog.)

What the....

2007-05-25T11:40:00.000-04:00

I just saw something that made me shake my head.

I was checking my gmail account just moment ago; anyone who has gmail might have realized that they advertised based on the subject lines of your emails. So when I get emails about church stuff, there is advertising for LDS paraphernalia; when I get something from Vanguard or ING Direct, I get investment stuff...you get the idea.

Anyway, I don't have anything new so I'm about to close out when I notice a link at the top of the page to some random website. I do a double take.

(My entire inbox is there so you can see the subject lines. It makes this even more ridiculous.)

Wow. Just one of those things you don't expect and wish you never saw - like the girl who went snowboarding with us to Kelly Canyon one night and on the way back, there's Zach's bare backside sticking out the window of the other car in our caravan.

But, just like an awful train wreck or Zach's pasty white behind, one can't help but look. I don't know how some people come up with these ideas, much less make a profit.

Memoirs of a Dragon

2007-05-23T13:10:00.001-04:00

Before getting going here, I think it’s important to give some kudos to my little (and only) sister Rachell. Yesterday was a big day for her: she turned 18, so now she can vote; she participated in commencement ceremonies at my (now our) alma mater, Rocky Mountain High School; she was the (or maybe ‘a’ because I think there was more than one) valedictorian of her class, pulling off the 4.0 GPA. So props on a day big enough for an exclamation point! Let me know if the 2007 BMW I bought you doesn’t show up. EBay can be tricky sometimes.

The other day I received an email from my buddy and former roommate Jeff. In this email was a picture that took me to a time when a group of ten men overcame impossible odds and a biased officiating crew to join the immortal ranks of BYU-Idaho Intramural Flag Football Champions. (Queue flashback…)
I was but a young lad at the tender age of 23 in the Fall of 2003. Jeff, in his desperation to win an intramural championship and the coveted t-shirt trophy, was putting together teams in everything from flag football to bocce ball. Never having been interested in competitive bocce (I’m more of a recreational bocce aficionado), I signed up with his flag-football posse. Based on Jeff’s dream, we were aptly called “One Last Shot”.

The way the season started out, we should have been “One Crappy Team”.
After four games we had the pathetic 1-3 record and were getting roasted like chesnuts over an open fire. With the season half over, we clung to life support to make the playoffs, much less take the Crown. Murmuring swelled within the ranks. Mutiny seemed imminent. Thor, overseer of BYU-Idaho Intramural Athletics, smiled upon us with a fortuitously timed trip our leader/QB took to New Orleans. In the wake of his absence, three things transpired which altered the course of BYU-Idaho Intramural Flag Football history forever…or at least in 2003.
First, we started calling ourselves The Dragons – inspired by this dumb yet somehow hilarious StrongBad email – for how could we change our stars if we didn’t change our name? Plus it was shorter.
Second, one Tim Robbins of Billings, Montana, took the reigns as quarterback in Jeff’s absence and led us to a pair of resounding victories on the windy plains of battle to get our record up to .500.
Third, I devoted myself to tapping into the supreme authority; a conduit of knowledge so advanced in the ways of 7-on-7 football it had no rival: NFL Blitz 2000. I put aside all trivial pursuits – dating, showering, class, homework – and devoted myself to learning from this master teacher. In time I knew all the plays and was destroying Archie to the point he threw his controller and broke our lampshade in frustration.
A new name, a new quarterback and a new playbook, The Dragons were retooled and reenergized; the march towards destiny (aka, the playoffs) was underway. Destroying any who dared oppose us, we were titans of unstoppable power that feared no one. Quickly we rose through the ranks of our peers – if they could truly be called such - in our quest for glory.
Yet, as all legends before and those who strive for greatness since, we were faced with hardship. Tim had an elk hunting trip scheduled with his father prior to our season and as such, he would not be around for the semifinal game or the championship. Drawing from the well of belief deep within, we mustered together the strength to persevere. With Jake Curtis at the helm, we marched into battle.
Down in the semifinal game, I came up with an interception in the waning moments to give us a chance. That hairline fracture of hope was all we needed as with no time left, Jake plunged his lumbering 6’5” frame over the goal line for the victory.
In the championship game, we faced not only the brutally cold Rexburg winter, but the diabolical and scheming Intramural Staff. None had ever defeated this fiendish group in a championship game before, their ties with the officials running deep and true. For most of the game we languished in a sea of biased calls and heart wrenching miscues. But once again, the heart of champions fought on until, once again, Jake rumbled through snow and wind and sleet and hail and flesh-eating zombies for the final score without anytime remaining.
Now, these many years later, I raise my glass of ginger ale high and salute you, Dragons, for your courage, valor and commitment to each other. May our children and our children’s children, and our children’s children’s children and other people ever remember that it was we - when odds overwhelmed and critics crowed and idiots idiotted – that we overcame.

Then we celebrated at the Nordic the next week by eating lunch together, wearing our championship t-shirts and revelling in our victory.

BACK (L-R): Jeff Sucher, Steve ?, ?, Mike Taylor, some freshman, Jake Curtis, Logan Roberts

FRONT (L-R): Nate Watson, Ben Johnson

SUPERIMPOSED (L&R): Tim Robbins

Six years

2007-05-17T10:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was an anniversary date I’d be remiss not to mention.
On Wednesday, May 16th, 2001 I flew out of Atlanta in four button suit, white shirt, tie and black name tag; I landed in Denver, Colorado and caught a connecting flight into Cody, Wyoming. I landed a little after 12 pm. My parents and siblings were all there with the exception of Nathan, who was anxiously engaged in the cause in Philadelphia; my grandparents were also there; my high school friends Bryan Tipton, Nick Wilson and Travis Marchant finished out the number. It was the first time I’d seen any of them in two years, five days.
For two years I’d dedicated everything I had and was to something much greater than myself; as sweet as it was to see familiar faces it had been much more difficult to leave. It wasn’t until four days after the most incredible experience of my life (to that point) ended that I allowed myself to think about what I’d just left behind. It wasn’t a pretty sight.
Now, on Wednesday, May 16th, 2007, I continue to reap the rewards of those 24 months of an occasionally flawed but loyal time of service to my God. Incredible as it seems, words fail me.

Piercing My Soul (and filling it with iron)

2007-05-16T16:40:00.000-04:00

Consistency has never been my forte and this blog is just another perfect example: no post for three weeks and then 2 posts in 3 days. What do you do?
Anyway, my good wife has opened a discussion on her blog concerning the piercing of our infant daughter’s ears at the tender age of 3 months or so. (It’s 3 months because that’s as early as any reputable place will do it.) In less than 24 hours the buzz has exploded and she has 8 comments the last I saw.
Not to digress or switch tracks, but that’s more than I’ve ever had on any post of mine. Interesting.
It’s true. Paula and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum on this. I don’t come from a ‘culture’ of piercing; Rachell got her ears pierced sometime in high school and my mom around the same time – when Rachell was in high school. And Paula’s polling of the students at MHS trying to build an argument for the cause didn’t leave me brimming with confidence. The overwhelming majority of those polled aren’t going to graduate, much less contribute anything to society except 25-to-Life.
Without attacking the supporters of early infant mutilation…er, ear piercing…I’d like to lay out my position. It’s important to note I held all these views long before I married the wonderful woman in my life known as Paula. Also, doesn’t my wife look incredible at 6 months? What a babe.

First, I want my child (XX or XY) to be as innocent and untouched by the world as long as possible. Maybe it’s naïve. Maybe it's old-fashioned. So be it. But all too soon I’m going to wonder why my little girl is asking about things that’ll make me blush and I'll be passing her on to her mother. Let me keep her pure and unscathed until she's embarrassed to hug me in public. Next, I can’t help shake the feeling that earrings early are like the gateway drug of jewelry to looking like a hooker. I know it’s unreasonable because my wife isn’t a hooker, nor is her sister and probably five or six other girls out there who had their ears pierced early on; but it’s just there in the back of my mind. I mean, Isaiah 3:16-24.
Also, shouldn’t she have a choice whether or not she wants to have a pair of holes punched in her ears? USA!! AGENCY!! USA!! AGENCY!! Who are we to make this decision for her?
Furthermore, I’ve seen several comments on Paula’s post about it being such a great idea as something to distinguish the sex of the baby. Come on. So for 2 of her 70+ year life, some fools who can’t register pink/purple=GIRL are going to mess up the sex of the kid. Big deal. It’s not like their putting holes in her ears.
Concurrently, I don’t buy the ‘culture’ thing. Not because I don’t love my wife or her heritage, but because I’ve always been opposed to the assertion of people doing things because it’s ‘culture’. For clarification, I’m not against culture; I’m against making important decisions with that as the underlying logic. If I was Polynesian and tattooing our first born son was part of the culture, should I do it?
(Speaking purely philosophically, should culture really be the underlying reason we do something? Forget ear piercing. I’m talking about anything. If that’s the case, such practices should be reexamined because it’s not a sound premise for action.)
Finally, I’m just stubborn and old-fashioned.

Regardless of these sarcastic (but amazingly true) comments, our daughter will have her ears pierced before she can control her own bowel movements. Why? If I feel so strongly about this, how can yield? Admittedly, it’s not like Paula wants to tattoo-her face with the word ‘Culture’ in pink across her face. And I am a wonderful husband.
But it's much simpler.
Quid pro Quo.
Our daughter isn’t going to be given a middle name. Some scared, anonymous commenter alluded to this in a comment on Paula’s post. “Who cares about piercing her ears just give the girl a freaking middle name!!!” this person said.
I immediately dismissed this person’s comment as a moron because they used three exclamation points. Evidently they have a double-digit IQ. (My administration has always been clear on the excessive usage of this punctuation mark. If you are one of my friends, Anonymous, you should have put your name. Then I’d only have called you a moron in my mind.)
Like I said, she’s not going to be given a middle name; she’s going to inherit one. She’s going to have a middle name for about virtually all of her adult life – and that middle name is going to be ROBERTS.
This has nothing to do with culture.
It has everything to do with family. There aren’t very many women in the Roberts family – my mom and sister, to be exact – and in my opinion Rachell has first dibs on my mom’s name or a grandmother’s name as she is the only girl in the family. I don’t want my daughter to drop our family name when she gets married because it is a name that has been honored and protected and defended by her progenitors; her children and her grandchildren should know of their ancestors and this is a way to preserve that.
Hence, the exchange is early piercing for prolonging Roberts through the generations. Because I love my posterity, I'm stepping back from this. That is a price I am willing to pay. In the words of Papa Burgundy, "When in Rome..."

Boys Will Be Boys (as they should be)

2007-05-14T21:11:00.000-04:00

Well, I’m back. It’s been three weeks. What do you do?
Friday night we went to the ESPNZone in Buckhead to celebrate Todd’s birthday. He’s 25…to be young again….
Anyway, it was fun. The most enjoyable part for me was hanging out and playin’ with the guys. It all started as Greg (aka Dr. Pyne) and I were looking over the overpriced menus. Greg and I are tight. It’s always good to visit/chill with Greg because we are similar in many ways – intelligent, well spoken, good humored and ruggedly good looking – plus he reminds me of Jack from the greatest TV show ever, “Lost”. And who wouldn’t want to pal around with Jack Shepard? Seriously. Even though he’s been acting a little off since his stint with the others; but he sure looks like he’s back in old Jack mode now, especially after last week’s awesome episode. And Juliette? Arrgghh...I can't figure out if she's really come clean or if she's still plotting against the Losties and still with the Others. I’m stoked for these last two episodes…so yeah, Greg and I get along just fine.
Like I said, we were looking over the grub and he pointed out the “Triple Double” burger – two 8oz slabs of hot beef, each topped with some delicious American cheese. The conversation went something like…
GREG: Did you see this one? (Points to the Triple Double)
ME: Yeah, I did.
GREG: That’s a big burger. (I sense he’s about to dare me)
ME: Yeah it is.
GREG: I don’t think you can eat it.
ME: Care to make it interesting?
The wager was the cost of the meal: If I could throw down the burger, he’d pay the $13.99 (told you it was overpriced) for my meal; if I couldn’t hack it, I’d spot him the same price worth of arcade games upstairs following the meal. Let’s just say there is such a thing as a free lunch. Thanks, Greg.
Anyway, we all went upstairs and played some pretty intense games. The pictures are of two particularly challenging forms of recreation.
One is called Rapid River and you have to do all this paddling as this machine throws you all over the place and makes you want to upchuck all 16oz of not-hot-anymore, masticated bovine. Man, it was awful. But I managed to finish it in time to make the bonus round, so total worth it.

(Here I am raging on the Rapid River. I almost died. Greg's in the background, cheering me on.)

These next two shots are of the Horse Derby Racing game. Paula said she was sure we were going to break that thing, it was rocking so hard. I think I finished 3rd out of 4 races; pretty sure mark won. It was brutal. In this picture you can see my can is definitely the largest of the group. It makes me think I shouldn’t do anymore 1 pound challenges.

It was a great night. There’s just something about hanging out with the guys every once and a while that’s good for a man’s soul. There’s this guy in our ward (married for a few years) who says that when you get married, that’s it. Just learn to say “Yes, dear” and tuck your tail between your legs and you’re done. Whatever. I’m SO grateful that I married a woman who is totally down with me chillin’ with the guys. That’s not only pitiful but tragic. The guys need to be able to get together and do manly things – laugh, swap one-liners from classic movies, compete with each other, rough-house, swap manly stories and in the morning, I make waffles. This is what men need – because guys like Greg and the Nerf, Arch and Zach, Ben and Will and I…we’re men, men who built the Eiffel Tower out of brawn…and steel. That’s what kind of men we are.
A final note, you’ll notice I put my brother Ben in the mix up there. Growing up, Ben was lumped with Forrest as ‘the little boys” while Nathan and I were ‘the big boys’. Well, this last weekend Ben performed an incredible feat of strength. During the week at work, the wood chipper wasn’t working and so he was working on it when some numbskull cranked the teeth (manually) and caught Ben’s hand in there. It was all jacked up. So what does Ben do? Not much except go and compete in a 63 mile bicycling race and finish 1st. Freak. The boy is a freak – in a good way – and is hands down the toughest guy I know. And the only Roberts (male or female) who could pull off wearing spandex. Props to you little (and evidently tougher) brother. Props to you.

A 50-50 shot...

2007-04-23T17:49:00.000-04:00

Sometimes in sporting events, when the officiating is all around off, people say “At least their consistent.” I feel similarly.
Practically every part of Paula’s pregnancy has been opposite of what we’ve expected: we thought it was too soon for us to be pregnant – it wasn’t; we didn’t find out she was pregnant at home – we found out in the hospital; morning sickness never happened – Paula was sick at night. And today was the ultimate twist. We were sure we’d be having a boy….if there’s one thing I can say about this child, she’s consistently surprising.
A girl. I am going to be the father of a girl. It’s mind-bottling – when things are crazy and it is like your mind is trapped in a bottle. There’s no disappointment, none at all. There is what might qualify as stunned disbelief. I feel as though my margin of error in child-rearing has shrunk dramatically. Before this revelation via Lisa the sonographer I was just excited to be a dad; now, I’m excited and nervous and worried and cautious and more and more aghast at how little clothing women wear. That’s someone’s daughter, for crying out loud!
It was an incredible experience to see the little one on the ultrasound; she was laying on her back and we saw a perfect profile, with beautiful little legs and toes and fingers; her seeing her nose close up was when I knew we were having a girl. I know that is ridiculous, since even after a baby is born you really can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl, but something about the profile of that face made me sure it was a girl. She’s real and little and perfect.
I don’t know if I’m qualified to raise a girl…that’s not entirely true because I feel one of the major influences in my life has been family; however, there is a certain amount of angst that clutches at my heart. How can I, someone so imperfect and flawed and lacking be trust with such a precious little child sent from our Heavenly Father? How can I comfort her when she’s hurt by harsh words? What if they are my harsh words? What if she is wonderful and beautiful and smart and funny? What if she’s not? How do I help her understand that just because all the other girls have serious boyfriends that she shouldn’t? How do I let her know I love her when she’s done something wrong? What do I do if she rebels?
I don’t know. I think there’s only one Parent that does. And, knowing that and that He knows me and is willing to help when I ask and teach when I don’t know…it bestows upon my anxious heart a degree of peace because I know Paula and I won’t be alone in this. And that’s awesome, in the truest and purest sense of the word.
In summary, I’m the proud father of a little (and by little I mean 10in, 10oz) girl. It’s going to be incredible and my already outnumbered X chromosome is going to really have its back against the ropes. But not to worry, little buddy, because we may bend but we shall not break. The room may be pink or purple; the toys may be dolls; the clothes may be frilly. But even so, this one thing shall not change – I’ll find a way to incorporate Cougar blue.

The Century Mark

2007-04-13T11:07:00.000-04:00

I was born in December of ‘81; 16 months later, Nathan was born in April ’81. This would be of little consequence except that it’s taken the exact same amount of time to reach the century mark for posts on Cyber Commorancy (12/05-4/07). Yeah, I was thinking the same thing…Twilight Zone.
This post is commemorating this significant event, so break out the bubbly and put on your party hats cuz it’s gonna get CRAZY! Or, more realistically, stay in your pj’s, take time out of work or a break from homework. If there’s a vending machine near by, maybe you can buy a soda…I'd use the bathroom first because it's hard to sum up 100 posts.

A Girthy Post
I never realized I was so diverse and wise (some would counter with ‘scatterbrained’ and ‘egomaniacal’…touché) until blogging. Nor did I realize how many words I could make up - like the word ‘Girthy’.
Regardless, there have been a myriad of topics discussed - more vast than Rosie O'Donnell's waist line and just as scary. Of the past hundred posts, 18 have addressed moral/political issues; 14 have related to family; 12 have been “Shout Out’s”; 6 have been catch-ups. Of the rest, football and the break-in have pulled 3; x-box and the Buck got 2; Oprah, Dr. Phil and Verizon each got 1.

What’s the Scuttlebutt?
One of the things I’ve enjoyed the most over the past 100 posts is the feedback from you, my loyal fan base; let me change ‘fan base’ to readership as I’m pretty sure some regulars loathe me. Political and moral diatribes actually draw the least amount of comments; humorous and shout-out based postings get the most. In general, we feel obligated to say something when something’s said about us and not too many people care enough about social issues to say anything. Or it's been put so eloquently no one has anything else to add. (If you're a gambler, I'd put money on the former rather than the latter.)
Of the first 100 posts to Cyber Commorancy, the top comment-garnishing posts are:

My Top 10 – (5) My favorite tunes from high school.
Weight For it…Weight for it – (4) My ever growing waist line and beard.
If You Haven’t Already Heard – (4) Announcement of a little one on the way.
Shout Out: The Buck – (4) Eulogy to the greatest car a guy could have.
Shout Out: The Sound – (4) Tribute to a little game called ‘Halo’.
House Sitting – (4) A chronicling of the weirdness of living in another’s house.
6 Degrees to My Biznas – (4) Tracing how fast gossip travels
An Ounce of Prevention…And a Slug – (3) Recounting the break-in of our apartment.

Of the 94 comments left over the past 100 posts, some are instant classics. They range from odd to funny to gratifying. Here they are, unedited and uncut:

Jeff: Weird, wild stuff: Having done a statistical research project with you in Sis Hendricks (to which the quote from you of "I wish I had a gun to shoot myself in the face" will live in infamy) Math is certainly not your strong suit, nor mine. But are you really serious about the count being that high?

The Ames Family: Complete: (This comment by Shantay was funny, but really long. Click on the link above to read it. Worth your troubles, I promise.)

Nathan: Shout Out: The 1st Sister-in-Law: Good post. Made me love my wife more, and made her cry. In a happy way.

Lindsay and Rachell: Complete: Logi-After much deliberation, Rach and I have just recently decided that you are hilarious. There is a certain and distinct hilarium about you. We enjoy you very much. Thanks for the continued entertainment you provide two lonely and bored sisters. Love-Rinds and Lach

William: If you hadn't already heard: Congratulations! Molding a legacy is a lifetime effort, with huge rewards. Good luck! BTW: Walter Payton is a good name, as well as Mike Singletary, Dick Butkis, and Brian Urlacher.....- William –

Anonymous: Breakfast Memories: "Hurrah for Cream of Wheat!" exclaims the random passerby.I was surfing blogger for tips on how to jazz up Cream of Wheat, and your blog was in the top ten for "most recently updated." Thanks for the tips on that and other inexpensive breakfast foods!

Nathan: Happy Birthday... : You're good, real good. BTW, happy birthday to you too. May there be many more years of both you and your blog!

Nathan: Shout Out: The Buck : The Buck Died? When did this happen? How did this happen? Is there anyway to save it? Seriously, I got a little choked-up when I read that last line.

Anonymous: Shout Out: The Sound : I have just spent two hours reading your blogs instead of doing my homework.

Dave: Something You Didn't Know : Great diction...would you like to come teach a writing class to my students? Give us more.

Archie: Shout Out: Archie “Slam” Ames and Zach “Cack” Shoemaker : Thats some serious "SHIZZLE MAYHEM." There's nothing like the good ol' college days. Oh wait a minute i'm still in college and it sucks now cuz the LTrain left. We will meet again though and he will probably lose to me at Blitz like he ussually did.-SLAM

Location, Location, Location
Girls get around more than guys - I mean, their blogs do. They have this intricate network of acquaintances – I'm not even upset; that's amazing. Anyway, I use this awesome tool called Google Analytics to track the hits on Cyber Commorancy. It was really cool until I realized Paula gets a ton more visits to her site than I do; then it really stunk. Anyway, as time has gone on, the word has gotten out and reader hot spots have grown and changed, not totally unlike Barry Bonds' forehead since he's been popping 'roids. I’ve had random hits from all over the world and I’ve taken three snapshots in time from the tool and thought I’d give you an idea of who’s reading where. The bigger the dots, the more hits from that area. (Click on the maps to get them big enough to see.)

June and July 06
In the beginning was...the South. When I started using Google Analytics mid June, the local friends and family really kicked this thing off. As you can see, nothing else was even close, though I did get some love from back home and friends at the 'I'.

Dec 06 and Jan 07
Happy Holidays! The dynamics changed some; though Metro Atlanta still led the way, LA was second, followed by a sudden spike in Greenwich, Connecticut. My peeps in Idaho and home remain true. As you can see, there was some spotty international reading, but almost nothing that stuck; however, some faithful readers in Canada still read. I attribute this to Lindsay and her international roots.

Mar and Apr 07

Currently, there are four major hot spots in a little place I like to call the USA. Metro Atlanta still carries the most weight, but Idaho and LA are really showing the love. Greenwich virtually disappeared, but Minneapolis has shown up with a flurry of activity, so we're Even Stevens. I also noticed some hits from Communist China. If they change to an elected form of government, I think I deserve some credit. If I don't deserve it, I still want it.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this little trip down memory lane as much as I have. Just want to give a shout out to you, the folks who make Cyber Commorancy part of your life.
Whether you read for fun, to keep in touch, out of spite or cuz you're just plain bored, I appreciate you reading - 3,092 visits and 5,111 pages views (since starting tracking in June)- and the numbers are growing. I’m stoked for the next 100!

"Since You've Been Gone...

2007-04-10T10:06:00.000-04:00

...I can breathe for the first time. Since you've been go-One..." Oh...this is a little embarrassing; you've caught me in a Kelly moment. Sheesh.
It’s been a while since I've posted, (the song reference was to this lapse, not my wife being out of town last week) so I’m just going to throw together a hodgepodge of events that have occurred because I have neither the time nor the inclination to write detailed descriptions. Plus, it’s sort of fun to have a fast, quick hitting post.

The Bachelor – Paula went to Utah this past week to hangout with her best friend Kami who just got back from her 1 ½ year church mission in Taiwan. So while they spent money and talked about the intricacies of Kami’s newest boy-toy out in the Rockies, I embraced one of the Seven Deadly Sins – sloth. I didn’t do a thing on my three-day weekend – between sleeping, Xboxing and sleeping, there wasn’t any time. When in Rome…

6 Degrees – I got this call from my brother Nathan late Friday night, almost Saturday morning. I missed it because i was in the other room, but the voicemail was: "Hey man, call me as soon as you get this." Then there was a text message with the same request. So I did. Twice. With no answer. I'm a little nervous, so the next morning I call. The urgent incident that made me worry? "Hey, I'm hanging out with Michael Eav and he has a good one for you for '6 Degrees to Kevin Bacon' and I wanted you to try it." (Hulk Hogan was in Rocky 3 with Sylvester Stalone [1] who was in Demolition Man with Benjamin Bratt [2] who was in Red Planet with Val Kilmer [3] who was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise [4] who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon [5]. 'YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!')

The Big Chill – A couple weekends ago we were invited to Augusta to visit Greg and Melissa, our friends who recently embraced the connubial life. (Great word; look it up) In all we had a crew of 11 people at their house, ages 25 to 31, eating and laughing and eating some more. It was pretty awesome. I’d say the highlight of everyone’s weekend was the many different facial hair motifs of Greg. It started with a beard, transitioned to biker/mechanic and ended with this mustache that...how do I say this...you frequently see on an episode of Dateline’s ‘To Catch a Predator’ series. Hilarious.

Epitomizing Meatheads – I love BYU football. Love it; want it; need it. Anyway, this weekend a couple of morons were arrested for burglary when they went after some guys who tossed a water balloon out a window that got one of their girls. You can read the details here, but suffice it to say this linebacker and tight end kicked in a couple doors looking for the mischievous aqua-bomb lobbers. The funniest thing is the second door they kicked in was the right one, but the perps were hiding in a closet and the police showed up in the nick of time. Awesome.

It’s All About Sex – In a couple of weeks, (April 23rd) we find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. Yikes. The moment of truth. I think most people would have been nervous that they were expecting a child; not me. I’m nervous to find out what it is. If it’s a boy, I’ll be excited and not too nervous – my confidence is strong to very strong when it comes to raising a boy. If it’s a girl…I might need meds. I have no clue what to do with a girl. There are questions, no answers: How do I discipline her? How do I protect her? What do we name her? What happens if she looks like me? How will I console her if no boys ask her out on a date? How will Paula console me when they do? Most important: how can I decorate my daughter’s room in Cougar Blue?! AARRGHHH!

The Century Mark – Soon I’ll hit my 100th post. Like this week maybe. That’s a lot of posts. On Seinfeld, for the 100th episode they did this collage of episodes that was hilarious. Maybe I’ll do the same thing. The Greatest Posts in Cyber Commorancy History. Feel free to cast your votes. I think it might be a very small post. Here’s the plan: leave a comment about your favorite post. And I’ll share those with the world. Unless I don’t get a lot, then I’ll make some up. In a different font. With flashing lights. And streamers. Yeah, definitely streamers.

Weird, wild stuff

2007-03-28T14:39:00.000-04:00

One word, two syllab…
*!Pollen!*
Bless you.
Like locust plagues of Biblical prophesy, this area has been overrun so much the otherwise unseen particles are now taking over the world…or at least the parking lots. Over the past week or so, it's been at ridiculous levels. It is literally piling up around here. Let me break it down for you.
The amount of pollen in the air is measured by a tool creatively named a ‘Pollen Count’. The PC calculated by the number of grains of pollen in a cubic meter. A moderate count is 31-60; High is 61-120; anything over 120 is considered extremely high. With those parameters in mind, the high we have going on here makes Cheech and Chong look like card-carrying members of the anti-drug lobby.
On Monday in the ATL, the pollen count hit 5,499. Math’s never been my strong suit, so you might want to crunch the numbers yourself; but according my calculations, this is about 43.835 times what the count can be to still fall in the ‘high’ and 91.65 times the moderate range. Meanwhile…

Vehicles everywhere are covered yellow.
I drive into work and yellow pollen kicks up like I’m driving down a dirt road back home.
People are outside wearing surgical masks.
If you’re outside long enough, you can feel it when you breathe.
Warnings are issued to stay indoors as much as possible.
People are missing work because they can’t breathe or see if they leave the house.
Car washes across town are cleaning house; it’s gotten so ridiculous that if you keep your stub and it’s been 48 hours or less, they’ll give you a free carwash. Craziness.

But what gets me is the metrics of the pollen count. I don’t understand how the chart can be so skewed. I mean, this happens every year (not to this degree, but counts still are up to 2000 or more) and moderate is still considered 31-60. Something just seems a little off to me when the count of anything is over 90x the moderate amount. It doesn't make sense...like Hillary winning "Dancing With The Stars" or the presidency. Can you imagine this in the world of sports? Some guy’s batting a moderate .260; then some schmo is batting 22.500. That’s just crazy talk. Or with food? A RDA of 2,000 calories as moderate would be 180,000; the 65 grams of fat would be 5,800. I've met someone like that before…oh yeah, Archie’s first girlfriend. (Playin' bro...just playin'.)
Anyway, just wanted to give you non-southern dwellers to get an idea of this pollen thing.

Oprah's DEAD!

2007-03-26T15:54:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: For the record, I bear no malice towards Oprah. I don’t watch her show and while I don’t agree with some of her social views, I respect that she’s self-made and think she’s contributed to the betterment of society and helped a lot of people with her wealth.

I had this dream last night where I was a passenger on an airplane and somehow it came under attack. I don’t know how it happened or anything, it’s just being hijacked and everyone is in a lot of danger and there’s widespread panic.
Well, a couple of other people and I rush the cockpit in an effort to take it back from the hijackers before anything bad can happen. There’s gunfire and stuff and pretty soon I’m alone at the cockpit. I kick open the door and Oprah’s flying the plane. I’m amazed and think she’s saved the day. I say something like:
“Oprah, how’d you beat off the terrorists by yourself?”
And Oprah says, “It wasn’t that hard. You can go back to your seat and I’ll take it from here.”
I believe her because I figure she must have her own plane and, hey – she’s Oprah! But as I’m leaving I see the pilot on the ground and he’s been shot in the head; but there aren’t any bad guys around and I start to get suspicious. So I turn around to confront Oprah and she’s pointing a gun at me!
“Back off,” Oprah says. She’s the leader of the hijackers!
I tell her I can’t do that and we get in a tussle. I get the gun away from her and she sends the airplane into a dive, straight for the ground. So I grab her around the neck and start choking her until she goes limp.
I’ve killed Oprah!
Anyway, there’s all this beeping noise from all the navigation instruments in the cockpit and so I push Oprah’s body out of the seat and I start to fly the plane. It’s in a tailspin and getting really close to the ground, so all I can do is slow it down. We end up crash-landing in some field and most people survive and walk away. And I’m left trying to explain to the authorities why Oprah's dead. They believe me - that I had to do it - but a lot of people were still upset I’d killed her. I keep telling them I didn’t have a choice, that if I didn’t do it we’d have all died.
The last part of my dream I remember is I’m walking down the road past a gas station ( I think it was a Shell), distraught I had to kill someone and I look up and there’s Will Smith. And he asks:
“How’s it going?”
And I say, “Not too good.”
“Why not?”
“I killed Oprah.”
Then Will got mad.
“But I had to. She was going to kill everyone on the plane. I didn’t want to. She didn’t give me a choice.”
But Will still was all up in arms about it, so I just walked away as he yelled at me.

Weird.

Shout Out: The 1st Sister-in-Law

2007-03-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of sibling appreciation (and the fact she left a wonderful comment on the previous post), I’d be slipshod to not give a shout-out to the first sister-in-law I’ve ever had – the Lindsinator. Why do we call her that, I'm sure you're asking. Well, it stems back to when Lindsay was sent from the future to the year 2003 to stop the Potato Gun Debaucle of Birchwood-E...Okay, I just made that nickname up on the fly and it is pretty much stupid; nevertheless, it doesn’t change the great love I have in my heart for Linds.
I first saw Lindsay coming up on 5 years ago in the household cleaning product isle at Wal-Mart in Rexburg, Idaho when she was an 18 year-old freshman at the ‘I’. Nathan had met her at the university bookstore earlier that day ( a job he'd landed for the express purpose of meeting girls; his logic: all the ladies have to swing by the bookstore) and it was a little awkward to pass a couple giggling girls (not her and Nathan…Lindsay and her friend Janae) twice in the store, but when in Rome…
It's hard to believe that was the genesis of an amazing exodous, starting in Idaho would lead to us become kindred seamlessly after her and Nathan persevered through the wilderness of courtship to reach the promised land of marriage. Biblical references aside, Linds and I have had some good times over the past 5 years. If you’ll indulge me:

Being in the group with her and Nathan on their first date

Countless subsequent double-dates

The potato gun incident of ‘03

Several visits to Provo, including over Valentines Day ‘04

A long and arduous trek to Colorado to chill with Nathan and me as groomsmen

Hanging out en route to my Arizona summer

Chillin’ in Nashville

The trip to the ATL resulting in my subsequent marriage to Paula

Perhaps the most memorable are my two ventures with Nathan to visit her in her native land of Canadia. The first was in the summer of 03. Nathan told her he loved her and subsequently slipped through the dock into the frigid glacial lake. (I’ve got the picture to prove it.) I made the same trip with the same brother a year and a half later to “the true North, strong and free” to be there when they were married for time and all eternity.

So, Lindsay Michelle, here’s to you – to being my first new sister, to laughing at my antics, to having a good cry over that lug you call your husband, to hooking us up at Outback all summer in Tennessee, to having an infectious attitude that makes us all smile every time we see you.

Complete

2007-03-19T13:18:00.000-04:00

There comes a time in every man’s life when he realizes that there’s gotta be something more; that as good as life is, there is one little thing missing which would otherwise complete the circle. I had such an epiphany a month or two ago and it ate at me until I could bear it no more. I had to confess the lustful intentions of my heart to my sweet wife.
I broached the subject one day as Paula and I were driving in the car.

ME: “Hey babe, um…there’s something I need to tell you. It’s been weighing pretty heavily on my mind for the past week or two.”
HER: “What is it?”
“Well…I don’t know how to say it. I’m a little nervous about how you’ll react. I don’t want to upset you, but I can’s stop thinking about it.
Nervous tone: “What? Is everything okay?”
Deep inhale, slow and measured exhaling: “I don’t know. Basically, I guess I need to just come out and say it…even though this might be difficult for you to hear.”
No talking, just a nervous look
“I want an Xbox 360.”
Rolling of the eyes.

Well, after several excruciating weeks of deliberation, saving, planning and brooding, I became the proud new owner of an Xbox 360 Premium system w/ 20GB hard drive, two wireless controllers, a sweet game and a two year service warranty. I’m not going to reveal the final cost, but suffice it to say, I only went over my budgeted amount by $25. And considering that’s the difference the warranty cost I don’t think it’s a bad thing.
I’m super excited but not to the degree Paula is. She’s ecstatic about it. It’s ridiculous. I can hardly keep her off the thing; when I’m trying to get her to do things around the house she just keeps saying ‘In a minute. I’ve just got to get to the next checkpoint.’ And I tell her that if she doesn’t prioritize, we’re getting rid of it. Seriously…she’s addicted.
I made a point to buy an extra controller because as fun as it is to play, it’s more fun to game with someone else; Will and I are anxiously engaged in saving the world from being overrun being a demon horde right now. Don’t worry – we got it under control. You may rest well knowing that Marcus and Dominic aren’t going to rest until the world is safe.
But it hasn’t taken me away from being a good husband – check it out:
On Saturday, I helped baby sit Everett, did three loads of laundry, emptied the dishwasher, went grocery shopping and made dinner. So don’t think I’m slacking; if anything it’s made me a better husband. Because not only do I protect my wife and unborn child from the demon horde, but I also make sure all my chores are done (and a little more to buy me some points) so there’s no reason not so be able to fire up the white box of joy.
Then I call Will and say: “Save the world at 9?”
Replies Will: “Game on.”

Celebrate Good Times...(Now you're singing, aren't you.)

2007-03-13T14:17:00.000-04:00

(This is a two-part post. Please hold you applause until the end of each act.)

B-DAY SHOUT OUT
First, a belated Happy Birthday to Russell, the youngest of the Roberts Clan. I’d be remiss if I didn’t give the guy a shout-out for the world to see…or at least the United States. Rest assured, I wished him a birthday on his birthday and was the first to do so, I might add. (Not that I’m to most thoughtful of his siblings, just the only one who lives on the East Coast and am up and at ‘em before the rest of the crew.)
Russell started kindergarten the same year I started college, so our paths have gone in decidedly different directions. I haven’t lived at home for coming up on 9 years, through all that time I’ve only been homesick once. As a new missionary, I saw a little boy at church one Sunday that reminded me of my littlest brother and for about three hours I was in a bad funk. I guess that’s a tribute of sorts.
Russ is a cut above any other 14 year-old I’ve ever met. He’s extremely thoughtful, very witty, polite and well spoken – not how you’d expect a teenager to act. His last birthday was overshadowed by the wedding and there wasn’t an ounce of complaint. I’ve maintained that a filtering process has happened with us kids, that each one gets better as the dross is let behind. I suppose that doesn’t speak very well of me, but it gives you an idea about my sibs and how good a kid Rusky is. (The nickname wasn’t because we think he’s a Russian, it’s because it rhymes with ‘Husky’.)
So Happy Birthday, little brother!

Intermission

US SHOUT OUT
Next up is that Paula and I celebrated our first anniversary this weekend and it was pretty low-key. You can read her comments about our first year of marriage on her blog and I appreciate her sentiments, although there were a couple of things I can’t help but take exception to.
First of all – the dress couldn’t help but be stepped on. It was enormous, especially in proportion to my wife; seriously, check out the girth of this thing. People kept teasing me about not standing close to my wife, but if I did I stepped on her dress…paradox.
I don’t know what all the ‘ups and downs’ talk is about. Downs? Please. Try and name one.
Having our apartment broken into and our possessions taken?
My ex-girlfriend almost becoming our sister-in-law?
The Le Sabre (may it rest in peace) being totaled by some schmucks and having to buy a new car?
Fighting down a $22,000 hospital bill?
Finding out we’re pregnant in the ER with the caveat of it being Ectopic?
Well…I don’t know. I guess I’m a ‘glass-half-full’ kind of guy.
What I do agree with is that it has flown by and that both excites and scares me. It’s exciting because I’m confident the best is yet to come, that this year has set a firm foundation for the rest of our lives. It scares me because it reminds how fleeting life is and how important it is to cherish every moment, or more importantly make moments worth cherishing – New York for Christmas; Burt’s Pumpkin Patch; The Fray; Sunny China delivery four times in less than two weeks; knowing we’ll be parents soon; Wicked, Les Miserables, Phantom – with someone who doesn’t holds you back but builds you up.
I'd like to sum up how I feel about my wife, but I'm sort of caught in a pickle because I want everyone to be able to understand how much she means to me; guys don't always get or appreciate the sentimental tributes and gals sometimes to don't appreciate too much teasing when trying to present a compliment. But I think I've stumbled onto a way to adequately describe what a great companion Paula is to me and how lucky I am to have herthat everyone can appreciate. Here is goes...
GUYS: She’s the Scottie to my MJ, the Jerry Rice to my Steve Young, the Stockton to my Malone, the John Beck to my Johnny Harline, the Halo to my Xbox, the Rock to my Roll, the extra cheese to my pizza, the Spade to my Farley, the Pinky to my Brain.
GALS: She’s the Bacall to my Bogart, the Beauty to my Beast, the Beesly to my Halpert the Hepburn to my Peppard, the double-fudge to my chocolate, the Jimmy to my Choo, the Dolce to my Gabbana.

Happy Anniversary, Paula.

Curtain

Attractions of Logantown, Cubiclia , ING

2007-03-05T14:41:00.000-05:00

I'd like to welcome you all to a little place just off the beaten path, near the corner of 9-5 and just past the Corporate Crossroads. Some call it a cubicle. I call it my Home-Away-From-Home-Monday-Thru-Friday-Except-For-Federal-Holidays, or H.A.F.H.M.T.F.E.F.F.H. for short. But you can call it Logantown (Loganville...it's too local, so no).
As many of you will never get a chance to get your passport stamped and visit here, there are a few local attactions in Cubiclia I'd like to share with you. (Pictures pending the battery in the camera being charged. This happens everytime I go somewhere exciting! ARGHH!!)

The Picture. Standing resolutely at my 1 o’clock is a simple aide memoire of our commitment, love, and devotion; I look upon it with fondness daily – a black and white picture of Paula and me from our wedding day. A simple glance often unleashes a tide of memory from that special day: how stunning she looked; how lucky I felt; the joy of sharing the day with friends and family; forgetting the ring; I should have had a hair cut; it wasn’t cheap; evidently I am...crap. It also reminds me to not forget my ring sitting next to my laptop; I hate how it clicks on my keyboard.

The Remnant. Sitting on the shelf at my 5 o’clock rests a piece of history, rescued from the sinewy grasp of yesteryear. In times such as these, it is paramount that we remember what made this nation great and what made us proud to be Americans, where at least we knew we were free. It is a memento of prominence, accomplishment and success; additionally, it reminds us that our past, our present and our future are all part of that great whole that some of us call aeternus, or in layman terms…eternity. What, you ask, rests in blissful serenity at my cinco? It is known in the Greek as “kommati apo dikos mou palios aftokinito porta”, better known to us as “piece of my old car door.”

The Toy. Immediately to my right (3 o’clock high) is a cryptic device which has led to the downfall of many great men; it is the modern day Gordian Knot; it is…the Rubik’s Cube. Invented by Hungarian Erno Rubik in 1974, the Cube hit the market in 1980 and has gone on to record great feats: It is attributed with the downfall of communism in the mid 1980’s; it is the most sold toy in the history of the world; it has single-handedly been responsible for the ostracizing more men from women than acne and cracking voices combined.

The Inspiration. (Keeping with the “o’clock” theme) At my 12 is a picture of excellence, of a man that embodies success and emboldens the timid. He teaches us about excellence. What makes a work environment excellent? Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such of thing of that nature. And one would be humor. Additionally, we learn the virtues of racial harmony, that diversity is the cornerstone of progress; from his lips we gain a truer appreciation of equality as he taught through the words of President Abraham Lincoln: “If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North.”
Who is this mystery man of wisdom, this enigma of greatness? Only Michael Gary Scott, that bold and intrepid leader who directs his troops into the depths of disaster time and time again, only to return in glorious triumph from the brink to teach us the aspirations all leaders should embrace: a friend first, a boss second, and probably and entertainer third. Pearls of great price, words of infinite wisdom…

A Call To Arms

2007-02-26T09:29:00.000-05:00

To the faithful readers, good to see you again; to the occasional passerby, greetings; to the crazy people, um…yikes; to the new visitor, welcome.
If I was a drinking man, I think this would be a hangover Monday. I’m dead tired; Sunday’s are not a day of rest for me anymore – they are flat out tiring. Yesterday, for example, I was busy with church from 9:30 to 6:30. What do you do? I’m trying to up and going this morning with some recently purchased 90’s tunes via iTunes. Inside Out (Eve 6), Santeria (Sublime), Zip-Lock (Lit), Water’s Edge (Seven Mary Three), Self-Esteem (The Offspring), Plush (STP)…just something to shake my mind loose from the cobwebs.
Fortunately I was spared this morning’s conference call with our offshore team in India. That would have been especially cruel irony to my beleaguered mind.
I was involved with my first one on Friday. Terribly brutal; Root-canal-minus-Novocain kind of brutal. There’s just something lost in translation and – this is going to be hard to believe – they don’t find me remotely funny or clever. I know; I couldn’t believe it either. Crazy but true. After it was over, I just dropped my head on to my desk, weeping in despair. (Kidding. Crying? There's no crying in Secuirty.) I said to my manager I was sorry it went so poortly and he told me not to worry about it, that most calls are straight business and humor isn’t something us and the Indians have in common.
I don’t often touch on church related items here at Cyber Commorancy; it’s not that I’m opposed, I just don’t. But I am here. And the irony is that I’m doing it in the same post I mention Santeria.
Yesterday in Elders Quorum our lesson came from a talk given by D. Todd Christofferson in the October General Conference entitled “Let Us Be Men”. It was one of my favorite talks then and I was happy to have it as a lesson; should I have sons, it will be something I will give them as they enter their teenage years. What it means to be a man has become so convoluted in today’s world that without specific direction, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find example of true manhood. Well, you can click on the link to the talk for a more inspired approach to what it means to be a man; I’m going to go on a little diatribe about what I think makes a man here below.

A man takes responsibility for his actions. No ones perfect, but a man doesn't use that as an excuse for his shortcomings. When he does falter, he fesses up and doesn’t blame society or the government for his errors. It's his bad and he'll take care of it; and if he needs help, he'll man up and ask for it. But he doesn't pass the buck.
A man sacrifices passion to principle. Today a man is measured by the number of women he’s been with or the size of his bank account or his athleticism. Right. Like it’s hard these days to have sex with strange and random women; a real man puts off impulsive, base desires for a greater good – righteousness.
A man acknowledges his weaknesses. It’s not easy to admit fault and shortcomings, which is why it really takes a man to do it. No one is perfect; no one expects us to be perfect. So don't be a poser because we all know you're lying. A man can embrace his weakness and make it a strengh. And then not make the same mistake again.
A real man is a leader because he’s a good follower. Playing off the last point, no matter who you are, there’s always someone who’s done it better; no man is going to get it all down pat in this life. That's why mortality is a probationary state, a proving ground for the eternities. A real man can admit that and learn from those who have; as he learns, he leads those who are learning.
A real man honors women. Treating women like play toys or objects not only degrades the sanctity of womanhood, it undermines the fundamental design of manhood. A woman – no matter what the feminazi movement says – is special and precious; they should be treated as such. I mean seriously, do we really want our daughters to act like boys? I hope not.

There's my diatribe. If it came across as coarse and preachy, I told you the talk by Elder Christofferson was better. Be a man and take responsibility for reading a sub-par discourse. (Ha ha ha) Let's answer the call to arms, to step up to the plate and do that which we were created to do. Man wasn't created in the image of God (the perfect Man) to be subpar. Our challenge, fellas, is that we do it. Buck up and be men in the truest sense. Let’s “rise from the dust and be men”, being “true at all times in whatsoever thing [we are] entrusted.” The last thing the world needs is men after its kind; it needs men after His kind.