Thursday, March 02, 2006

Ready to Launch

I don’t do countdowns. Never have. Not when I was getting close to graduating from high school; not when coming home from a two-year mission; not when graduating from college. Not even when getting married. In nine days.
Okay, evidently I’m aware of the date March 11th and doing the math I am aware it is nine days away; however, it doesn’t mean there’s a countdown.
Anyway, agree to disagree; the fact remains my life will be altered in a deep and profound way, a way I cannot fully comprehend. Bob Dylan – People magazine's only threepeating Most Beautiful Person – said ‘the times, they are a-changing’. Since I’m not from Great Britain, I don’t speak British and am not sure what that means; but using my profound understanding of early Latin and Romantic languages, I'll spitball it.
Mr. Dylan was trying to say things once standard and acceptable in my life (as a single man in my own apartment) are going to be altered, changed to accommodate a more manners-oriented female. Some illustrations for the simpler-minded who are having a hard time processing this:

Drinking glasses: I’ll have to use them. (Or be sneaky drinking straight from the jug)
Food: Cans of tuna, spaghetti noodles, milk, chips and salsa, bread and pb&j can’t be the default grocery list every two weeks
Toilet seat: Down after every use (women are allergic to toilet seats)
Clothes: Eliminate ‘pretty clean’, ‘doesn’t stink’ from wearability; spraying FeBreeze on isn’t the same as doing laundry
Closet space: 100% closet space reduced to.5% closet space. Hanging clothes on furniture won’t be acceptable
Cleaning: More than once a month

Hopefully these examples sufficently described my translation of Bo-Dyly’s phrase. Apparently things will be different, but like Sheryl Crow said, ‘a change will do you good.’ That's probably what she told Lance; it's what Lance probably told his wife. I digress...moving on. As an optimist, the proverbial glass is half full, with the changes enhancing life instead of detracting from it.
I’m still chuggin’ the jug, though.