"We never stop [trying to nail] you"

Do any of you use 'The Network'? The Network…HA! A network of lies and deciept! Ah, the tangled webs of lies woven by Verizon Wireless have ensnared this once steadfast customer into a trap of fallacy and deception. As darkness falls I am haunted by a spectacled specter; the incessant chant of this smirking wraith’s sextupling lexis echo in my mind. How did I become entrenched in such a precarious predicament? I shall tell you the tale.
I have auto draft set up for my cell phone and am notified when a bill is scheduled to be paid. Upon reading said email, I was shocked to find my bill had skyrocketed from the usual $40-45 to over $170. Bewildered as to how this could have happened, a thorough examination of the call history commenced, exposing a 735 minute (12 ¼ hours) phone call to my parents home phone. The erroneous indictment purported the call began at 10:13am on April 5, 2006; said phone call would have taken ended at 10:28pm, encompassing the whole day. Ludicrous.
Immediately I called *611 and told Chad there had been an inaccuracy on my bill. He examined it, only to inform me it was a valid charge. Remaining composed and restrained – an epitome of cool, calm and relaxed – I assured him it was not. What could I talk to my parents about for over 12 hours straight? In the middle of a workday? Preposterous.
Requesting to speak to a manager, Chad asked me to hold. He returned to the line, and informed me a manager was not available, but he had been authorized to take twenty percent off the bill. I scoffed at the proposal; my bill still tripled the accurate monthly charge. Thanking Chad for his time, I told him I’d call back.
Sending an email to Verizon I outlined points verifying my claim. The following are excerpts:

“Until April 10th my office was a project room located in the basement of the ING offices at 5780 Powers Ferry Road in Atlanta, GA. This prohibited my cell phone from even receiving signal or making calls before 4pm. Examination of my bill supports this. (Indeed, upon examining my bill since January 1, only two calls totaling 4 minutes have been made from 8am-4pm)

My supervisor, Sarelle Gunter, can confirm I was in the office from 7:45am to 4:30pm that day, only leaving to the cafeteria at noon for lunch.

No one’s at my parent’s during that time of day. Both parents are educators and have to be at work prior to 10:13am EDT (8:13am MDT)

If I were to talk to my parents for a significant amount of time during peak hours, it would have been via the Verizon cell phone they use (208-351-2882)”

A response to my email was proffered by Rosalina. She pledged to me she would contact the billing department and contact me in 72 hours. Rosalina was true to her word…and the news was grim:

“I appreciate your patience in awaiting my response. I have received a response from the Billing Department in regards to your 04/09/06 statement. I pologize
for the inconvenience; however they have discovered there are no billing errors
on you statement.

If you need further assistance, please reply to this email at any time, and I will be happy to assist you.

We value you business and appreciate the opportunity to continue as your wireless provider. Thank you for using Verizon Wireless products and services.”

Outlandish.
Feeling used, manipulated and betrayed, I responded to Rosalina. The rejoinder was masterful, penned with intelligence and exactness; ‘twas such an oratorio as to be weighed against the likes of Adams, Pope, Locke, Burke, Cicero. Submitted for your enjoyment:

“Rosalina,
Thank you for your efforts. It is regrettable the billing department has chosen to brush aside the claims of an exemplary customer, a customer who has never paid a bill late and has never called to complain in over a year and a half of service. Additionally, it is unfortunate the billing department will not take a serious look at the facts I had laid out in my initial email – facts which clearly substantiate my claim – or consider an error has been made on part of Verizon. While it is a pity people cannot be trusted, it is understandable due to the world we live in.

Obtaining a service and not paying for it is dishonest and contrary to my beliefs; therefore, a payment to Verizon Wireless will be made in the amount of $52.28. This will cover my monthly billing charge, Verizon and government surcharges, as well as other taxes and fees. The remaining $121.05 will not be paid, as it is an erroneous
charge and as a matter of principle it will not be paid. Subsequent to this payment, I will be cancelling my service with Verizon Wireless via phone call to a management-level official tomorrow, May 4th.

I cannot and will not be a patron of a company that so blatantly and callously refuses to look at the track record, payment habits and calling patterns of a customer and admit an error has been made on their part. Rosalina, I thank you for your assistance in this matter. I would appreciate you passing this along to your superiors.”

And thus it is. Barring any last minute change of heart, as sayeth Poe, I shall be a Verizon Wireless customer ‘nevermore, nevermore.’ Parting is such sweet sorrow. A portion of my soul aches at the knowledge this previously advantageous union has twisted into such a disarray of suspicion and exploitation. Nevertheless and notwithstanding the melancholy nature of this divorce, I shall persevere…and I shall flourish.